Talking Story

Starting new conversations in the workplace!

How ‘bout I call you?

by

For the last three weeks I’ve been working on a project with someone who uses the telephone for nearly all our communication. Occasionally his call is to ask if he can drop by, because he’s in the neighborhood working on another project.

He breaks most stereotypes, for he’s young, has an iPhone and Gmail address, designed and maintains his own website, but he prefers to call, and to talk. He considers texting to be unprofessional, and he won’t ever email unless it’s off-hours and he’s pretty sure I’m waiting for an answer of some kind. If I email him, I know the phone will ring as soon as he reads whatever I had sent, so he can answer me that way instead. I asked him if he engages with social media, and his response was, “You’re kidding, right?” To be completely honest, I’m still not sure if that meant yes or no.

The punchline to this short story? Though way, way out of my comfort zone, and likely to be a one-shot deal (we’re working on a construction project together) this has been one of the most enjoyable projects I’ve worked on in a long, long time.

I’ve come to notice just how much person-to-person or voice-to-voice communication with this person has added to the entire experience, because neither of us opts for making it techno-efficient. Most of the work we accomplish happens as we converse.

We take the time to talk, and it’s not that much more in terms of the time we add, but it’s exponentially more in what we achieve. Those little adds share more with each other, often simply in being that ‘more’ you cushion information with when speaking with each other in real time — we used to call it ‘civility.’ Our social graces in conversation have become a huge factor in the overall project experience, so much so, that I keep asking myself — why oh why have I been so quick to give up on the telephone in favor of email?

Let me say again, that this is a construction project. I’m not coaching him, and we’re not having tea and crumpets — we’re solving problems, stressing through building codes, permits, supply irregularities and labor issues.

As odd as it may sound, I’m rediscovering the wonder of the telephone.

Can we talk?

In the archives: On the Art of Civilized Conversation

Must I work this bit alone?

by

This is a question I’d love to have more people ask themselves, asking it not in a general way, but with much more specificity, action by action, decision by decision.

Who can give you your second opinion?
Who can tip those aha! moments you have when you get stuck at work?
Who can you bounce an idea off of, feeling free to question it, or laugh about it?
Who might champion it with you, adding their unbridled enthusiasm to your own?
Who can you learn from?
Who can brighten your day in moments with their presence?

More often than not, the answer to these questions will be, “Come to think of it, several people can.” You simply need to get out of your chair (or away from your work station, whatever the case may be) and go to them. Break your orbit and be more comet-like.

An ‘Imi ola life — that ‘best possible’ life — is NOT a solo proposition.

Another way to ask this collection of questions, would be, Where’s the Aloha?
…and, Are you getting some, and giving some?
[ Your Aloha Spirit, Tightly Curled and Regal ]

One of the reasons I’m so bullish on The Daily Five Minutes, stems from the alarming trending I continually see in ‘digitally savvy’ workplaces toward solitary, independent work. I call this the “Downtown yet No Town” weirdness, because in my workplace visits, people will continually tell me how they feel the cubicle mentality still thrives, and is in fact, their world: They go to work each day, and sit at a workstation or in their office with nose to the grindstone as much as 95% of their day. Scary. And sad. Thanks to email, texting and social media (yes, I’m being sarcastic, for it’s no thanks), they aren’t even on the telephone much anymore. I push D5M with them because I know of its power in getting people together again, simply starting with getting out and about, to Hō‘imi — to actively look for those 5 minutes of found time when they can converse with another human being face to face.

“I dress up for work even tho i hide behind my desk all day.” — mmmony on Tumblr

Forget all the D5M framing if you must — just talk to people more.

Conversation, talking story, and good habits like The Daily Five Minutes are ‘Imi ola triggers: They will elevate the quality of your day, for all work — all good, feels good work — is some balanced execution of what we do on our own and what we do with others. As a workplace culture coach, much of the workplace unhappiness and discontent I see, is clearly the result of an imbalance toward the solitary, where people feel they go it alone. They might be surrounded by other people, but they feel alone most of the time — “Downtown, yet No Town.”

A good number of managers look to solve this by focusing on team dynamics, and yes, by all means, keep group interaction dynamic and vibrant too. Have good huddles. Bring back the staff meeting. Learn to love projects. But understand that people may still feel they disappear in the chaos of a whole team: We all need one-on-one time. If you must choose one over the other, focus on improving your one-to-ones, whether with D5M or other kinds of in-person conversation.

There is so much to be gained from collaborative work, starting with that simple act of asking another person for their opinion — their sharing of knowledge, with you.

January Coaching: What are you really managing?

by

I’ve a January, year-prepping exercise in journaling for you, one of my favorites in the executive coaching I’ve done for people. We’re still in the 1st week of the new year: Do this before the coming weekend is over and you’ll feel the Ka lā hiki ola goodness, I promise.
[MWA Ref: Ka lā hiki ola means “the dawning of a new day.” It’s the value of newness with hope.]

It’s a favorite exercise because it’s so useful. Writing this down will serve as a great point of reference for you in the coming months, for you can look back at it, remember your better intentions, and screw your head back on correctly if need be. When you’re done, keep it where you normally would review it during your quarterly, monthly, or weekly reviews.

If you don’t like writing and journaling, please keep reading” I’ll address that momentarily. And as a MWA vocabulary reminder: Managing is a verb. You needn’t be a manager-in-title to do this.

Write out your answers to these 3 questions:

1. What are you really managing? — as in right now, as a managing creature of habit. Journal your way to truthful clarity, and notice that I didn’t ask you who you’re managing, for that would simply be writing a list (“myself and my own behavior” goes on the top of that list, but you already knew that, right?) Write about WHAT you are managing, and why you feel you need to be involved in the process. The more detail the better (this project, that assignment, a nagging recurrence with” etc.), for the more you’ll learn about your current habits, and the productivity and accomplishment (versus busywork) you’ve been getting because of those habits.

2. What do you want to be managing instead? — again, not who, but what, just like with the first question, but in the spirit of exploring how you can light a fire under your own energies with more exciting work — work that fascinates and intrigues you. The key word in the question is WANT. Don’t limit yourself; ALL work can morph to being more worthwhile for somebody: Just because a certain job isn’t within your workplace isn’t reason enough that it can’t be. Maybe you’re the person who needs to author it there.

If you suspect these are Ho‘ohana questions, you’re right.

Not enthused about Writing?

I admit that I’ll continually try to convert you — start by simply carrying a small notebook with you and writing stuff down when you’re bored, or when you’re waiting in line somewhere. You’ll be amazed by the ideas you start to capture once your whining is over. I don’t mean to be negative; that’s just the way it usually happens, and private whining can be useful to you too, within reason. Better to be on paper than out loud.

That said (that I’m very stubborn about writing stuff down), very smart guy and Business Strategist Mike Wagner recently reminded me that not everyone is like me” a good half of the world prefers to talk their way to clarity (like Mike) instead of writing their way there. So if that’s you too, go for it. Self-talk is powerful stuff: Muses, Mentors and Self-Talk.

Better yet, do the exercise out loud in a conversation with someone you like and trust — you go first, and then you be a listener and sounding board for them. You know how much I believe in talking story!

The Third Question

Last, and only when you feel the first two answers are info-packed with clues for you… (sleeping on this is a great idea. Go back and read about Wayfinding for your Best Clues if you’re getting impatient).

3. What will you be managing in the near future? — Said another way, What will it take to make your wants happen? I don’t care what your boss, spouse, or anyone else may have planned for you, or even if you already said yes to it (you can change your mind and say no if you have to. Burn your boat.) What do YOU have to do to move from what you described in your answers to the first question, to what you described in the second one?

For me, this is definitely a wayfinding exercise, because in starting with that first question you are confronting your existing habits and being truthful about them. I guess you could say that your answers to the second question are your goals, but in my experience it’s been much more effective for those I’ve coached to think of them as wants; they’re more basic that way, visceral even. Wants are Aloha-instinctive, and more emotion-charged compared to how pragmatic and strategic goal-setting is, and so energies ramp up quicker that way (I hate the SMART acronym. There, I’ve said it. I hate it because it’s boring.)

Where I’ve usually been able to help my execs as their coach is simply to give them permission, and get them to believe their wants are okay. More than okay. Listening to, and acting on those wants is what’s really smart, and you have a brand new year ahead of you… take the leap.

Postscript: If this post title sounds familiar to you, I have written on this “What are you managing?” theme before, but it was a little different, and employed the 5 Whys… use those instead of SMART!

Two Gifts: Values and Conversation

by

I’d like to clear something up if I may, and then I’d like to share a story there has been a lot of discussion about lately ”“ to my delight and gratitude.

Today’s posting will be about two very special gifts: Our values, and our conversations.

Values are universal, and as timeless as laws of nature

I received an email yesterday which asked, “Rosa, how did you come up with the values in Managing with Aloha?” It is a question I get fairly often, usually followed in some form by, “How do I get my boss to come up with the right ones for us?”

The answer is, I didn’t “come up” with them. They already existed, and I chose them. I chose nineteen Hawaiian values for my business model and my working practice, so that those two things would always be value-aligned for me, and for whatever organization I might be charged with being a cultural steward of.

In other words, I designed my work so that my personal values and my business endeavors would be value-aligned. They complement each other in pursuing the same mission and vision.

The answer to the second question, is that your boss can do the same thing. (And you can help.)

I think of my book, Managing with Aloha, as a packaging of lessons learned into a form that we can use in business today, applying them to our practice of self-management and self-leadership. I did not create those nineteen Hawaiian values that I chose to write about within the book; I learned them, and then I applied them to business. They are timeless, universal values which have been around as long as people have walked our islands. Our ancestors lived those values before they named them for us to remember, to learn, and to continue to practice today. They passed them on to us as the beautiful gift they are.

Beach Chair Duo

The second gift has to do with our conversations. It is a daily practice of listening, and it is perfectly suited to what we in Hawai‘i think of as talking story.

The Daily Five Minutes ®

There is only one thing within the Managing with Aloha sensibility for worthwhile work —for that, in one phrase is how I think about the Managing with Aloha philosophy in total— in which I take immense joy knowing that I did have a hand in creating it.

It is not a value, but a daily practice for us to use in the workplace, starting with managers as the “givers of the D5M gift.” Eventually, the Daily Five Minutes ® (D5M for short) becomes practice for everyone in a company, with Alaka‘i managers charged for the on-going best modeling of the practice, however everyone takes their turn at being either giver or a receiver.

I honestly am somewhat embarrassed that counting this one, I have now written 79 posts for Say “Alaka‘i” without mentioning the Daily Five Minutes ®. This being a blog for The Honolulu Advertiser may have something to do with that misstep, for I become very conscious about not promoting my products and services here ”“ quite hard to do sometimes, for as frequent readers have come to know, separating me and my writing from Managing with Aloha has become quite impossible: MWA is my Ho‘ohana. I think of it as my calling.

However I assume you have never read my book, and I write Say “Alaka‘i” as self-contained as I can so you don’t have to, fully aware that this blog should not be an advertisement. I expect the editors here to call me on it immediately if I ever cross that line, and I have asked them to bring it to my attention if I fail to realize I have done so.

The Story of the Daily Five Minutes ®

Recently my email inbox has been hopping with mostly two subjects: One, my post last Thursday on micromanagement really touched some nerves, and two, I published another article this past Sunday about the Daily Five Minutes ® as connected to learning how to listen.

In answering several emails privately I began to blend the two subjects together, and so rather than jump to a new subject today —especially in light of How to Stop Micromanaging Part Two being in the queue for publishing two days from now— I thought I would bring you in the loop with the Daily Five Minutes ® for it is a practice which can help the micromanager immensely: It helps you work on the right things at the right times.

I have published all the how-to connected to the D5M on the web, and you need not spend a single penny for it. You just have to read about it, and then decide to practice it, accepting it as an idea from me which is a gift to you.

  • The story of the D5M is published at Joyful Jubilant Learning: Click to:
    Learning to Listen with the Daily Five Minutes
  • There are links within that post which will lead you to more specifics about the D5M practice itself if you are interested in it.

The conversation there is quite rich, and so I ask you to read the story there rather than me republishing it here, however I would like to add something here which is specific to one of the goals we had for Say “Alakai” in 2009: Remember this?

6. Talking Story Grows Up

‘Talking story’ might be just as important to our Hawai‘i communities as is ‘sense of place’ and our cultural values of Aloha. We have a way of communicating with each other that is an exceptionally positive expectation, unspoken yet pervasive in our islands, and that expectation is this: Create a good relationship first, and do your business transaction second (even those ‘business of life’ transactions) and then that transaction will be good too.

When talking story grows up and really, truly comes to the workplace with us, we will enjoy another kind of evolution, one in the way we communicate with each other and create a larger verbal asset. Our ancestors had a great word for this: They called this ‘asset’ the mo‘ōlelo. Can you imagine how little we would know about our heritage today without it? What is the mo‘ōlelo we have stopped creating for Hawai‘i’s future generations?

From the Archives: The Top 7 Business Themes on my 2009 Wish List.

The Daily Five Minutes ® is one way that “talking story grows up and really, truly comes to the workplace with us.”

The D5M practice is a new conversation

The number one objection I will get from people hearing about The Daily Five Minutes ® for the first time, and hearing that it is a daily practice they will learn, is “But Rosa, I talk to my people every day. We talk story enough.”

No you don’t. I guarantee you, you don’t. Granted, most of us talk TO others, AT others, and even FOR others all the time, but we don’t talk WITH others enough. When those times come up where we know we really need to have a heart to heart with another person, we stutter, stammer, stall, or skip the conversation altogether, hoping it will just go away. And surprise, surprise, it doesn’t.

The Daily Five Minutes ® is a new conversation in which we learn how to listen all over again so that we can communicate better. It can get our island way of talking story to be better than it ever has been before, because over time it vastly improves the circle of comfort and aloha we have for each other. I hope you will take the time to read about it.

In case you missed them, here are the Say “Alaka‘i” discussions we have previously had about talking story:

Let’s talk story.
Any thoughts to share?