self-esteem

Along with your talent, bring me Fresh You

January 13, 2011 by Rosa Say

You may be surprised to learn which I’ll value more. As an employer, I desperately want you to dazzle and surprise me!

Giving up is not an option

I’ll back up. I’m thinking about work, and about jobs (so what else is new”) and in particular about unemployment, and how so many people who still want to work are giving up. They’ve stopped looking, and have stopped trying to get hired, and I wish they wouldn’t. I get that it’s been hard on them, but what are they waiting for once they stop?

If you’re one of these people I’m talking about, I think you have to keep looking (assuming you don’t want to start a business of your own; that’s different.) Go for the job you want, and when you’re sitting with the person who can hire you, have a Fresh You conversation with them. Turn into a hot prospect.

Bosses aren’t necessarily the ones who define jobs

Not all the jobs they think they can offer, and not all the jobs they should be offering.

And every hiring manager I know will admit that when they have a “hot prospect” and “super attractive candidate” sitting in front of them, they make some kind of hiring work-around happen. Those get to be the most exciting, and satisfying days they work within their job!

Yeah, you have a lot of competition. So…

BE the competition

There has been enormous shift in The World of Work due to the Great Recession of recent years, and as a result, scores of people still struggle to find their place. Age and generation don’t much matter: They know it will be a new place. Even if they secure a job title similar to one they’ve held in the past, it is highly likely the work itself will differ, for expectations will differ.

That difference has both good and bad associated with it, however you still have so much choice, and you still must know this: So much spun from both good and bad will depend on you. You (i.e. your Ho‘ohana) can be the catalyst of whatever work will follow, and whatever Work’s Worth will be created in the future.

Hiring is happening. I notice that news programs have been presenting the employer’s viewpoint lately, and in doing so they continually stress talent, and their need for skilled, educated labor as opposed to entry-level employees. These needs can be unfulfilled, much to the disappointment and dismay of many employers, and reasons vary. The one I’d like to focus on for the moment is fear and intimidation; people who have been out of work for a while (or who remain too comfortable in an existing job) fear they are simply not good enough, and they haven’t the talent the employer is probably looking for.

‘Probably?’ How in the world do you know? You can’t be sure of what someone else may, or may not be thinking. To guess is a cop-out. If you’ve already had a bad experience or two, that employer wasn’t a good match for you to begin with, and it’s a good thing you didn’t get sucked into a workplace that is beneath your worth.

What’s For Sure trumps Probably

You cannot stop yourself from re-entering The World of Work — or stop yourself from trading up to a better opportunity — by guessing about The Probablies. You have to have the conversation and find out What’s For Sure. And why not give them a Fresh, Enthusiastic You to think about?

Education and experience is highly subjective

On the other hand, innate talent and enthusiasm is definitive. Fresh You is distinctive, and highly attractive.

Unless someone has been immersed in a consistently value-driven work culture for a very long time (itself pretty rare), the worth assessments of talent, education and experience barely match up between people’s definitions. That, after all, is what most of a job interview is about, isn’t it; it’s a determination to learn if both company and candidate speak the same Language of Intention, or have the best potential to do so in the shortest amount of time — the 90-day probationary period is designed to answer all remaining questions about your match (at least it should be. If you’re in one now, have a LOT of values-based conversations whichever side of the table you sit!)

When employers say they are looking for ‘skilled workers’ they’re taking a shortcut: It’s a deliberate move with screening out those who aren’t hungry enough, enthusiastic enough, and self-assured enough to demonstrate that they bring way more than just their education and past experience to the table: They can learn whatever will be required of them. Even the greenest high school graduates bring those two e’s with them; education and experience are simply tangibles they need help articulating in workplace language. All people (and I mean You) also bring talents that are still to be explored, and talents are flexible and pliable; your talents can be molded to a company’s needs and expectations. What must match from day one however, are your values (for that course, turn to Managing with Aloha!)

Get back out there! The world is waiting

Along with your talent, bring Fresh, Enthusiastic You to an interview, and believe me, you will get hired. Employers will invest in helping groom your talent and skills because they know you’ll be a bankable investment and not a gamble.

The workplace is changing, and it always will. That means you need to work on your self assurance and sense of confidence way more than anything else: Education and experience have a much shorter shelf life. You, on the other hand, can be forever fresh and new.

Time to Take 5? Related posts in the Talking Story archives:

Beautiful Confidence

May 22, 2010 by Rosa Say

A thought to keep close for the weekend: “Confidence is good’s natural extension.”

As Liz Danzico writes:

“People should be so fiercely passionate about good ideas that self-promotion is a natural extension. Otherwise, why is it worth doing in the first place? It’s when confidence and self-promotion are obfuscated from passion that the claims become flimsy and empty. Confidence can bridge the gap between desire and outcome as long as the integrity for what we believe and the authenticity of what we create remain in place. We have the ability to both do good work and to recognize it — the choice is ours to make. Confidence is good’s natural extension.”

Unconditional Acceptance, Nature and Nurture

February 5, 2010 by Rosa Say

In yesterday’s posting, You’ll Be the Company you Keep, I wrote,

Aloha accepts all people unconditionally as our fellow human beings, worthy of the Aloha we then give, within the values-held belief that all people are good, and thus worthy of our love. And remember: If you are to receive that beautifully authentic Aloha Spirit from other people, you have to be obsessed with giving them yours first!

Keep this positive expectancy, and optimistic belief close to you: If people seem less than good at any given time, it is a behavioural issue, or an expression of where their values are at a disconnect with yours; they are not irreparably “bad to the bone.” Everyone can always return to a place of their goodness.

Today, an excerpt from Managing with Aloha (you have it, right?) which tells how a very significant event in my life more than 25 years ago firmly cemented this belief within my mana‘o (the beliefs and convictions which become our truth, for they connect to our mana, and spirituality).

A very happy Aloha Friday,
Rosa

Correcting behavior, preserving self esteem

There is a parenting lesson that can help you be a great manager.

When I had my first child I was your typical obsessive new mother, seeking to find the perfect pediatrician for her care. My obstetrician tried to help me identify candidates to interview, but no one was quite good enough. So the day came that my daughter decided to arrive six weeks prematurely, and fragile as she was, she really needed that great pediatrician whom I still had not found for her. From the delivery room she was quickly taken from me to get the care she needed from some mystery man my own doctor summoned.

When I woke up in the recovery room two hours later, the mystery man was standing next to my bed, and he said, “Congratulations, and don’t worry, your daughter is fine.”

Still not fully awake, I asked him, “Are you going to be her doctor?”

He answered, “Well, that’s up to you, and I understand you give a tough interview. I think she’s really beautiful, and I’d like to be her doctor, so you can ask me whatever you’d like to know. Can I share something with you first?”

Not feeling much like talking anyway, I silently nodded, and this is what he said.

“I’m sure that the moment she is brought back to you, you will believe there is no possible way you could love another human being more completely. But being her mother will require a lot of you. Days will come that she will misbehave and make you furious, and you’ll have to be very careful about what you say to her. No matter what happens, you need to remember how much you love her at this moment, and never ever tell her that she is a bad person. You can tell her that you are disappointed in her behavior, but because you know how great she really is, you know she is capable of wonderful things, and she can behave better from now on. Then you ask her to, for she must choose to. Whether I’m her doctor or not, will you remember to do that for her?”

Again, I nodded.

No other question came to mind for me. As far as I was concerned, the interview was over, and Dr. Galen Chock became her doctor. Three years later he’d begin to take care of my son as well, teaching me even more about being a good mom for my children with every well-baby visit, immunization and yearly physical. Over the years I’ve kept my promise to him, telling my children how great they are whenever I can, and telling them I am positive they are capable of making good choices for themselves. I applaud like crazy when they do.

I’d recall Dr. Chock’s advice on a day I was stewing about what to do with a particular problem-child employee: It was one of those “aha!” moments in management for me. I realized that what Dr. Chock had said in the recovery room held the same promise and potential for the staff I managed. Love and respect the person, treating them with the dignity they will seek to earn from you, correct and guide their behavior. If there are any variables to be sought out, they are probably lurking in the reasons behind the choices that had been made; talk them out.

My problem child was summoned, and I prepared my thoughts for our meeting. I thought back to when I first hired this employee, remembering why I’d considered him such a great candidate, and why I had been so excited about making him the job offer. I thought about all his successes as he sailed through his introductory period, securing customer compliments, nailing his performance review with honors and graduating probation with flying colors. I thought about some great things he’d done just in the last few days.

When he entered my office, his feet did their duty, shuffling him reluctantly forward as his eyes avoided mine. He was embarrassed and filled with dread. He knew he’d disappointed me, and clearly he was disappointed with himself. This was an employee anticipating a lecture and bracing himself for punishment: He knew he’d done wrong and he expected me to hammer him for it. This was someone who clearly needed the arms of Aloha to reach out to him.

His demeanor did not change my resolve to tackle the problem head on, and that afternoon we did speak of why he’d made the wrong choice when he had other options. But I didn’t lay into him as he expected me to. Instead I told him I knew he was capable of better, I’d seen it in him on an almost daily basis, and I knew how good he was when he was at the top of his game. So I asked him please, could that be the way he conducted himself at work from here on in? And he did.

We’d come to an agreement that afternoon: If he struggled with a future choice for any reason, he’d raise his hand, and I’d be there to help guide him through it. As I write this today he is known as an informal leader among his peers, for he has learned to carefully evaluate the choices that seem obvious and dig deeper for those that should also be uncovered. His opinion is consistently sought by his co-workers and by his manager. He is no longer a problem child: He is a role model of outstanding performance.

Aloha was in my office that day. As I recall, the word “Aloha” may not have specifically been spoken. It was there as the outpouring of good intent between us. It was a value we shared, one that gave us a comfortable and workable common ground. It centered our purpose for meeting as two human beings, and it gave focus to our conversation, even when there were difficult things to be said. The day was yet another example of what values-centered leadership can successfully do for a manager.

Times Square, NYC January 2010 — With my good daughter, Times Square, New York City just two weeks ago

Your Alaka‘i Language of Leadership

July 7, 2009 by Rosa Say for Say “Alaka‘i”

I read this at Terry Starbucker’s blog recently:

Lesson 7:
Understand that words alone don’t make the leader – proper presentation, attitude, inflection, cadence and structure are musts to inspire to action.
—Terry Starbucker, My 10 Favorite Leadership Lessons

Reading it, I cheered and did my hula dance of joy at Terry’s why: “to inspire to action.” Leaders create energy.

I also got to thinking about the assumptions that all of you might have about what I refer to as the ‘language of leadership,’ a phrase I am apt to use quite often in my speaking, my coaching, and my writing here at the blog. An awareness of our Alaka‘i language of leadership is a great talk story for us to have.

In my mind, your Alaka‘i language of leadership is as unique to you as your fingerprint, for it starts within your Aloha spirit, that authenticity of self-being that others will commonly call your self esteem.

Self-esteem is values affirmation you feel good about.

Your words are the tip of the iceberg

Terry is absolutely right, and very wise to refer to this as a leadership lesson. A leader will find he must choose his words carefully nearly every single time he opens his mouth to speak, yet that is but the tip of the iceberg.

What else is involved in the language of leadership others recognize as coming from you?

Make no mistake about it, your persona as leader is recognized by others through your language of leadership. The people you will lead need not see you or even hear you to know you are definitely the one who is leading.

Terry mentions “proper presentation, attitude, inflection, cadence and structure,” and those are all things that we human beings will develop defaults for over time: We get into automatic pilot with them in much the same way we develop other habits [You Are Your Habits, so Make ‘em Good!].

However we are more disciplined and intentional about our habits. Unless they get to a place of fame and fortune where they’ll hire a voice coach or a publicity handler, most leaders assume that they way they speak and present themselves is just the way it is, and they reconcile themselves to “living with the cards I’ve been dealt.”

Fact is, there is a lot you can do with those cards (even without hired help), and you can draw new ones.

I think it helps to first consider where your defaults may be coming from.

You learned how to Listen before you learned how to Speak

And you know what? Listening still works better.

Mothers of young children will tell you that one of the most frustrating times of their children’s lives —both for mother and for child —is before that child gets better command of language. Young children must totally depend on their behavior to both act for them, and explain for them, and we adults miss an awful lot in our “listening” to their behaviors.

So what approach will mothers (and fathers) take at the same time they are teaching their children to speak? They immediately begin to teach values, with “no” and disapproval communicated to their children when they misbehave. Much praise, smiles and hugs follow when behaviors have been good, and good means those behaviors are well aligned with family values.

It doesn’t really matter what is going on in the rest of the world, and what anyone else thinks: “We are honest in this family, we don’t hide the evidence when we’ve messed up or made a mistake. When we start to speak, we don’t lie about it.” And so on.

When you think about it, you learned how to behave well before you learned how to actually explain how you were behaving and why. You learned how to listen before you learned how to speak.

Sometimes we forget this, but think about it: Listening well works much more magic for us than speaking well does. Still does, even as adults, and especially in the workplace.

You learned a Language of Values

The dialect we first learned may have been composed of words in English, Hawaiian, Japanese or something else, but the language we all learned from our family first and then others, was the language of our values.

Mahalo: “This is when we should be appreciative, grateful, and thankful””
Kuleana: “This is when we are responsible””
Ho‘omau: “This is when we keep trying” This is when we let it go””
Mālama: “This is when others know we care” This is when others feel we don’t care””

We didn’t just learn words as we started to speak: We associated them with good beliefs and not so good ones, and we were given that opinion before we figured out we could form an opinion of our own. In other words, we were taught values.

And what do the values we hold do for us? They serve us exceptionally well: Values drive our default behavior.

Therefore, within your language of leadership, your personal values speak loud and clear, even when a single word has not been spoken. Your leadership values are doing the talking for you.

This is a subject we will continue to talk story about here at Say “Alaka‘i” for it is a rich one! Any initial thoughts? Let’s talk story!

Coming up on Thursday:

How to Stop Micro-Managing
Every manager does it to a certain degree, and there is a way to stop, developing a new management style that both you and your staff will be much happier with. Not only can you stop, you can gain some great fringe benefits in the process.

Photo credit: Public Secrets by Rosa Say.

For those who prefer them, here are the Talking Story copies of the links embedded in this posting:

~ Originally published on Say “Alaka‘i”
July 2009 ~
Your Alaka‘i Language of Leadership

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