Talking Story

Starting new conversations in the workplace!

  • Rosa’s Books
  • ManagingWithAloha.com
  • RosaSay.com

When Managers Say the Right Things

November 8, 2011 by Rosa Say

Choosing the right thing to say isn’t that difficult, when it flows from the right intent. And what great results we can achieve!

When managers say the right things in a workplace, release happens — self-imposed floodgates open wide in the people who surround those managers, and their greatest possibility comes out to play. Work of different stripe, pattern, color and intensity happens, because now, people feel it can. They feel their work is wholly welcomed. Their work. People can add a personal signature to what they do — they can weave in their Ho‘ohana, and go for ‘Imi ola. They can experiment, take creative liberty, stretch, dabble and explore — these are all the good things which happen when “Nalu it” is part of the work culture.

“Nalu it” surges ahead. It jumps from meaning “go with the flow” to becoming, “go for it!”
“Nalu it” was important: It relaxes people, and gets them to drop their guard a bit more so they can go with the flow to start with. But so much more is usually possible, and when their managers say the right things in encouragement and support, people can really “go” in a big way.

Canoe Surfing at KÅ«ki‘o PointReference points: If you’re just joining us, learn about “Nalu it” here. The Hawaiian values which guide us are listed and defined for you on the right sidebar of the blog.
Besides being a pretty cool metaphor, the Language of Intention and water flow imagery of “nalu it” (to go with the flow) helps us see the work we do, and the momentum we achieve with that work, through the lens of natural physics. The strength and perpetual power of wave action is pretty obvious, yet consider this: People are a force of nature too!

Nalu from what’s expected, to what’s possible

People know they are in a workplace to work. What managers must often do for them however, is strip away anything that holds them back. What makes a difference in a workplace culture, and in the quality of what that workplace produces or delivers, is the freedom of self expression that defines that work and channels its best energies, as opposed to the structural impositions of job description and process expectations — yes, you read that correctly: Job descriptions and and process expectations are structural impositions which function very much like shackles do, keeping more liberating work in check. The best work happens without them.

Just ask your customers, and listen closely. They’ll tell you that they don’t really want your staff to follow your rules per se, they want them to own the work (‘service’ or a ‘great product’ to a customer) with a personal touch, and with that owner’s intensity that conveys “this work is part of me, it’s important to me that it’s good, and I’m so happy I can share it with you as my customer and guest.” When your staff has “owner’s intensity” they never say, “let me get my manager” because they don’t need to; they make stuff happen (they Ho‘o), and customers thrill to their sense of urgency. Customers admire what they perceive as initiative and passion, skillful ability and uncompromising competence.

As a manager, you want your customer and guest to see those things in your people, and experience them in the service they receive. All of it is a reflection of you and what you do — what you support and enable — as a great manager.

So what are those ‘right things’ that all managers can be saying?

The different phrases are abundant, and you can make them personal, saying them in your own words, but they will all be rooted in two kinds of intention: Giving permission and sharing appreciation (the value of Mahalo).

Sharing appreciation has to do with that excellent and timeless supervisory advice: Catch people doing something right. Great managers aren’t cagey or subtle about it either: They speak up (saying the right thing, at precisely the right time) to let people know they’ve caught them, for the glorious affirmation of the aha! moment which just happened, and so they have a chance to say thank you in a genuinely sincere way. In a workplace, the best “thank you” of all is said when a manager catches their people wallowing in their strengths and talents; they’ve lost all sense of time, and their work is truly in flow. Because of the investments already done in basic competency and in value alignment, people are confident, and their work seems to sing. Managers are able to say, “thank you for doing what you do, and for doing it so well” because KÅ«lia i ka nu‘u — the value of excellence has been in play.

Before we get to that sweet spot however, the right things said by a manager will largely be about giving permission, in whatever the form and frequency that permission is needed.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” The people who say it (and usually quite proudly) are those who hate being held back in any red tape or within the more plodding, cautious work of others. They want to go for it; they’re the “nalu it” surfers and waterwomen who paddle out where there aren’t any lifeguard towers. “Better to ask forgiveness than permission” sounds cocky and arrogant, but often it’s simply confident. They feel their odds are more in favor of success than failure — odds are that asking forgiveness isn’t going to happen, so why waste time on the permission? Just get it done, and prove the point. Everything will be fine — how bad could it be?

“The cool thing about reckless abandon is that there is always time to be sensible later.”
~ Seth Godin in Insubordinate

Again, more confidence than arrogance is in play here, for they also have a much bigger viewpoint of what success is: They’re quite sure there will be a discovery of some kind that isn’t necessarily a bona fide accomplishment yet. Heck, that discovery might even be a brand new mistake they never made before, because it’s the first time they were able to paddle out that far. That’s a good thing! Mistakes are cool. Whoever would expect they need to be forgiven for that?

The very best workplace wave people can ride? When they get permission as a gift without having to ask for it first. They get, “Nalu it!”

Let’s get back to those “right things” that a manager will say. I’m a fan of the “Nalu it” Language of Intention because it’s such a good reminder of these statements as a “give good permission” intention category. Examples are;

“Just go for it — you know what to do, and you’re the best at it.”
“Sounds to me like you have a handle on this, so just call if you feel you need something; I’ll be happy to help.”
“I’m sensing you have another idea about this; tell me about it.”
“The energy you’ve been devoting to this is fantastic; thanks so much.”
“We’ll have the luxury of more time with this project; would you like to try a different approach?”

Or simply, “What say we try something new, you game?”
And as often as possible, “What do you think?”

To be an Alaka‘i Manager, work on this deliberately: Speak with those two critical intentions of giving permission and sharing your appreciation. Add it to your list of dailies, with The Daily 5 Minutes and as a Best Communicator. The magnificent day will come, when one of your people looks at you and says, “I feel strong when I talk to you.”

A suggestion for Managing with Aloha readers: Review Chapter 4 on Ho‘omau, the value of perseverance and persistence. The connections to this discussion abound, and those Ho‘omau connections are often why we managers want to release others within their good work in the first place; they’ll have several “Nalu it” waves to ride over time.

Get permission or ask for forgiveness?

June 23, 2008 by Rosa Say

I’ve just done a guest spot for the www.CrankyMiddleManager.com newsletter which was sent out today by Wayne Turmel. Each month, Wayne will ask a readers’ question of a guest he’d once featured on his CMM broadcast, and I was his guest back for Episode 15, talking with Wayne about Managing with Aloha shortly after HCer Bren Connelly had introduced us. Wayne is up to 148 episodes now, and that’s a lot of terrific talking story…

Thought I’d share my response to Wayne’s reader question with all of you too, for it’s a question that comes up occasionally in my coaching as well.

It was also a guideline I would explicitly give to my managers when I was actively managing, telling them that in my preferred "style" of managing them, I wanted them to defer to asking for forgiveness instead of my permission. The underlying assumptions were pretty clear:

— You probably won’t want to ask for forgiveness either; asking for it is a bummer no matter how nice I might be about giving it to you.

— So do whatever it takes to get the job done the right way and the best way; then both permission and forgiveness are unnecessary and thus irrelevant.

Yes, I told them not to ask for my permission unless they had a shortfall within the realm of talent, skill, or knowledge with something (i.e. needing more training, not approval) —more in the newsletter excerpt below. We’ve talked about this subject before: If you are the manager, make your expectations clear in regard to how people should best work with you:

SIDEBAR: For later review:

  1. 5 Things Employees Need to Learn—From You
  2. New to management: 2 Learning Hit Lists

There are also two words within my response written for Wayne which MWA readers and practitioners know are packed with implied meaning: "Great bosses" are not the same as run-of-the-mill managers. There is a calling for management I assume to be built on 10 core beliefs.

Here’s the newsletter snippet. You can subscribe for Wayne’s newsletters at the www.CrankyMiddleManager.com — check it out.

Cmm_newsletter_01


Readers’ Questions and Cool Answers

Rosa Say is one of my favorite people. She is just a walking hug and I have a weakness for conjoined vowels so anyone who speaks Hawaiian gets my attention. She was the star of Episode 15 and we’ve stayed in each other’s orbits since.


"I get proactivity, but I’d like to keep my job. How do I know "when to ask permission" and "when to ask forgiveness?"

Great question, Garth.

The short answer is, "It depends." The good news is that what it depends on, are the kinds of situations that are usually ideal for self-coaching that helps you grow. You answer this question of forgiveness versus permission for yourself situation by situation, by answering two other questions that are pretty easy to remember:

1. What would make work easier on my boss?

2. What action should I take that will make both of us look good?

The answer to Number 1 is also the best possible answer to "how should I be managing up?" for ultimately, that is what terrific managing up is (whether we like it or not): Doing whatever it takes to make work easy on our boss. Do that in the ethical and right way, and your boss will pay you in kind eventually (trust me on this).

The answer to Number 2 has to do with understanding that "approval" can be read in a couple of different ways. Asking for approval before taking action means lack of talent, skill or knowledge (at best), but it also can mean lack of forethought, gumption and initiative (at worst). Bosses get annoyed when they are asked for approval that is actually a guise for shortfalls in thinking and doing your homework, wimpy buck-passing on owning a decision ("Well, the boss approved it.") or as a delay tactic hurled at them to buy more time on deadlines ("Hello, Ms. Gatekeeper? Can you let him know I need to speak with him before I can move forward?") In the strictest sense, approval is required when the action that must be taken is not normally within your circle of influence (even then, rephrase the question to, "Would you like me to take care of this for you?")

Great bosses look at granted forgiveness as an opportunity to give their performing stars more coaching. Cultivate a sense of urgency balanced by forethought, take action when you should, be quick to apologize and correct if need be, and you answer Number 2 by being that star unafraid of mistakes you can learn from, and about whom the boss will say, "Yeah, he/she is one of my people."


Rosa Say coaches, speaks and writes; she is the author of Managing with Aloha Coaching, where you can "Learn to put Managing with Aloha in practice in our value of the month program: Live, Work, Manage and Lead with Aloha!" She serves as the managing editor of Joyful Jubilant Learning to encourage the 21st Century social media and digital learning initiatives she feels are crucial in tertiary learning and the building of our global neighborhoods. Find out more about Rosa’s coaching at Say Leadership Coaching.

Search Talking Story your way

RSS Current Articles at Managing with Aloha:

  • Self-Coaching Exercises in the Self-Leadership of Alaka‘i
  • Do it—Experiment!
  • Hō‘imi to Curate Your Life’s Experience
  • Kaʻana i kāu aloha: Share your Aloha
  • Managing Basics: The Good Receiver
  • What do executives do, anyway? They do values.
  • Managing Basics: On Finishing Well

Search Talking Story by Category

Talking Story Article Archives

  • July 2016 (1)
  • April 2012 (1)
  • March 2012 (6)
  • February 2012 (6)
  • January 2012 (10)
  • December 2011 (1)
  • November 2011 (4)
  • October 2011 (17)
  • September 2011 (8)
  • August 2011 (6)
  • July 2011 (2)
  • June 2011 (2)
  • May 2011 (4)
  • April 2011 (12)
  • March 2011 (16)
  • February 2011 (16)
  • January 2011 (23)
  • December 2010 (4)
  • November 2010 (1)
  • October 2010 (1)
  • September 2010 (4)
  • August 2010 (1)
  • July 2010 (4)
  • June 2010 (13)
  • May 2010 (17)
  • April 2010 (18)
  • March 2010 (13)
  • February 2010 (18)
  • January 2010 (16)
  • December 2009 (12)
  • November 2009 (15)
  • October 2009 (20)
  • September 2009 (20)
  • August 2009 (17)
  • July 2009 (16)
  • June 2009 (13)
  • May 2009 (3)
  • April 2009 (19)
  • March 2009 (18)
  • February 2009 (21)
  • January 2009 (26)
  • December 2008 (31)
  • November 2008 (19)
  • October 2008 (8)
  • September 2008 (11)
  • August 2008 (11)
  • July 2008 (10)
  • June 2008 (16)
  • May 2008 (1)
  • March 2008 (17)
  • February 2008 (24)
  • January 2008 (13)
  • December 2007 (10)
  • November 2007 (6)
  • July 2007 (27)
  • June 2007 (23)
  • May 2007 (13)
  • April 2007 (19)
  • March 2007 (17)
  • February 2007 (14)
  • January 2007 (15)
  • December 2006 (14)
  • November 2006 (16)
  • October 2006 (13)
  • September 2006 (29)
  • August 2006 (14)
  • July 2006 (19)
  • June 2006 (19)
  • May 2006 (12)
  • April 2006 (11)
  • March 2006 (14)
  • February 2006 (14)
  • January 2006 (7)
  • December 2005 (15)
  • November 2005 (27)
  • October 2005 (22)
  • September 2005 (38)
  • August 2005 (31)
  • July 2005 (34)
  • June 2005 (32)
  • May 2005 (27)
  • April 2005 (28)
  • March 2005 (36)
  • February 2005 (33)
  • January 2005 (35)
  • December 2004 (13)
  • November 2004 (24)
  • October 2004 (22)
  • September 2004 (28)
  • August 2004 (8)

Copyright © 2021 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in