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When Managers Say the Right Things

November 8, 2011 by Rosa Say

Choosing the right thing to say isn’t that difficult, when it flows from the right intent. And what great results we can achieve!

When managers say the right things in a workplace, release happens — self-imposed floodgates open wide in the people who surround those managers, and their greatest possibility comes out to play. Work of different stripe, pattern, color and intensity happens, because now, people feel it can. They feel their work is wholly welcomed. Their work. People can add a personal signature to what they do — they can weave in their Ho‘ohana, and go for ‘Imi ola. They can experiment, take creative liberty, stretch, dabble and explore — these are all the good things which happen when “Nalu it” is part of the work culture.

“Nalu it” surges ahead. It jumps from meaning “go with the flow” to becoming, “go for it!”
“Nalu it” was important: It relaxes people, and gets them to drop their guard a bit more so they can go with the flow to start with. But so much more is usually possible, and when their managers say the right things in encouragement and support, people can really “go” in a big way.

Canoe Surfing at KÅ«ki‘o PointReference points: If you’re just joining us, learn about “Nalu it” here. The Hawaiian values which guide us are listed and defined for you on the right sidebar of the blog.
Besides being a pretty cool metaphor, the Language of Intention and water flow imagery of “nalu it” (to go with the flow) helps us see the work we do, and the momentum we achieve with that work, through the lens of natural physics. The strength and perpetual power of wave action is pretty obvious, yet consider this: People are a force of nature too!

Nalu from what’s expected, to what’s possible

People know they are in a workplace to work. What managers must often do for them however, is strip away anything that holds them back. What makes a difference in a workplace culture, and in the quality of what that workplace produces or delivers, is the freedom of self expression that defines that work and channels its best energies, as opposed to the structural impositions of job description and process expectations — yes, you read that correctly: Job descriptions and and process expectations are structural impositions which function very much like shackles do, keeping more liberating work in check. The best work happens without them.

Just ask your customers, and listen closely. They’ll tell you that they don’t really want your staff to follow your rules per se, they want them to own the work (‘service’ or a ‘great product’ to a customer) with a personal touch, and with that owner’s intensity that conveys “this work is part of me, it’s important to me that it’s good, and I’m so happy I can share it with you as my customer and guest.” When your staff has “owner’s intensity” they never say, “let me get my manager” because they don’t need to; they make stuff happen (they Ho‘o), and customers thrill to their sense of urgency. Customers admire what they perceive as initiative and passion, skillful ability and uncompromising competence.

As a manager, you want your customer and guest to see those things in your people, and experience them in the service they receive. All of it is a reflection of you and what you do — what you support and enable — as a great manager.

So what are those ‘right things’ that all managers can be saying?

The different phrases are abundant, and you can make them personal, saying them in your own words, but they will all be rooted in two kinds of intention: Giving permission and sharing appreciation (the value of Mahalo).

Sharing appreciation has to do with that excellent and timeless supervisory advice: Catch people doing something right. Great managers aren’t cagey or subtle about it either: They speak up (saying the right thing, at precisely the right time) to let people know they’ve caught them, for the glorious affirmation of the aha! moment which just happened, and so they have a chance to say thank you in a genuinely sincere way. In a workplace, the best “thank you” of all is said when a manager catches their people wallowing in their strengths and talents; they’ve lost all sense of time, and their work is truly in flow. Because of the investments already done in basic competency and in value alignment, people are confident, and their work seems to sing. Managers are able to say, “thank you for doing what you do, and for doing it so well” because KÅ«lia i ka nu‘u — the value of excellence has been in play.

Before we get to that sweet spot however, the right things said by a manager will largely be about giving permission, in whatever the form and frequency that permission is needed.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” The people who say it (and usually quite proudly) are those who hate being held back in any red tape or within the more plodding, cautious work of others. They want to go for it; they’re the “nalu it” surfers and waterwomen who paddle out where there aren’t any lifeguard towers. “Better to ask forgiveness than permission” sounds cocky and arrogant, but often it’s simply confident. They feel their odds are more in favor of success than failure — odds are that asking forgiveness isn’t going to happen, so why waste time on the permission? Just get it done, and prove the point. Everything will be fine — how bad could it be?

“The cool thing about reckless abandon is that there is always time to be sensible later.”
~ Seth Godin in Insubordinate

Again, more confidence than arrogance is in play here, for they also have a much bigger viewpoint of what success is: They’re quite sure there will be a discovery of some kind that isn’t necessarily a bona fide accomplishment yet. Heck, that discovery might even be a brand new mistake they never made before, because it’s the first time they were able to paddle out that far. That’s a good thing! Mistakes are cool. Whoever would expect they need to be forgiven for that?

The very best workplace wave people can ride? When they get permission as a gift without having to ask for it first. They get, “Nalu it!”

Let’s get back to those “right things” that a manager will say. I’m a fan of the “Nalu it” Language of Intention because it’s such a good reminder of these statements as a “give good permission” intention category. Examples are;

“Just go for it — you know what to do, and you’re the best at it.”
“Sounds to me like you have a handle on this, so just call if you feel you need something; I’ll be happy to help.”
“I’m sensing you have another idea about this; tell me about it.”
“The energy you’ve been devoting to this is fantastic; thanks so much.”
“We’ll have the luxury of more time with this project; would you like to try a different approach?”

Or simply, “What say we try something new, you game?”
And as often as possible, “What do you think?”

To be an Alaka‘i Manager, work on this deliberately: Speak with those two critical intentions of giving permission and sharing your appreciation. Add it to your list of dailies, with The Daily 5 Minutes and as a Best Communicator. The magnificent day will come, when one of your people looks at you and says, “I feel strong when I talk to you.”

A suggestion for Managing with Aloha readers: Review Chapter 4 on Ho‘omau, the value of perseverance and persistence. The connections to this discussion abound, and those Ho‘omau connections are often why we managers want to release others within their good work in the first place; they’ll have several “Nalu it” waves to ride over time.

On my Best Habit List: Play Tourist

January 22, 2011 by Rosa Say

In keeping with my theme for 2011 as The Year of Better Habits, I am definitely continuing with something I started in earnest during 2010: I’m reaping the joy of playing tourist.

In my dream of all dreams, I’d shed all my earthly possessions but for the essentials I could backpack, convince my family and friends to come with me, and set off to travel the world, living for never-rushed months at a time in as many places as I could. Yep, I really would — and I’m working on being able to do it one day, sooner versus later! I want one of those cool walking sticks which travelers stud with emblems of the trails they have hiked, and I want to take pictures with people who speak a different language, and yet we still understand each other… in our photos we’re always smiling or laughing, and we’re usually hugging.

Meanwhile, I’ve started to do so the practical way close to home, both to appreciate where I am now, and to keep my dream vibrantly alive and within reach: I play tourist.

I don’t have the walking stick yet, but I do have some photos.

Don’t pick the berries

‘ÅŒhelo berries

At least once every two weeks, I get out to see what visitors to Hawai‘i come to see, for there’s so much here, and I want to get my wonder back about it all, and not take it for granted. When I take a trip somewhere new, usually to speak or teach, thanks to Managing with Aloha, I tweak my schedule so I can stay an extra day or two, and play tourist there.

I bet there’s a wealth of attractions nearby to where you live too: Get out and see it. Feel what your visitors feel, when they snap their pictures, and sigh, “Wow, can you imagine what it would be like to actually live here?”

You do. And Nānā i ke kumu: Your sense of place is something to be savored.

Here are some photos I took while at Volcanoes National Park last Sunday, just a bit more than a two-hour drive from my home. I’m still uploading more” you can scroll through the full set on Flickr. A bit of introduction:

When completely opened, Crater Rim Drive is an 11-mile drive which circles the KÄ«lauea summit caldera and craters of Volcanoes National Park, and it leads through both rainforest and desert, with marked scenic stops and short walks on the way. Highlights are the Steam Vents, Jaggar Museum, Halema‘uma‘u Crater, Devastation Trail, KÄ«lauea Iki Crater, and Nāhuku (Thurston Lava Tube).

On this particular day less than a fourth of the drive was open because of the toxic air quality being created by the current eruption, yet I was able to see all of those attractions. You can discover the full character of Hawai‘i Volcanoes National Park by adding another 25 miles roundtrip descending 3,700 feet to the coast, dead-ending at a lava flow crossing the road on its land-creating journey to the sea. There are also 150 miles of trails, still including the 4-mile/400 foot descent of the KÄ«lauea Iki Crater trail, where under-the-surface flows still steam through, but are deep below, and considered safe enough to tread.

Volcanoes is a very special place, and it’s such a shame that so many residents of Hawai‘i have never visited. Those who have, know that once is not enough. You might see it all in that one trip, but you leave knowing you’ll want to return.

Devastation Trail
Devastation Trail

‘ÅŒhi‘a ‘ula ‘ula
‘ÅŒhi‘a ‘ula ‘ula

Raindrop kissed Pūkiawe
Raindrop kissed Pūkiawe

Inside Nāhuku
Inside Nāhuku: Thurston Lava Tube

Sawtooth Blackberry blossoms
Sawtooth Blackberry blossoms

Plume of smoke from Halema‘uma‘u Crater
Plume of smoke from Halema‘uma‘u Crater

The ‘Ae fern gets to work
The ‘Ae fern gets to work

Lava lichen
Lava lichen

Related reading in the Talking Story archives:

  1. Wayfinding to Use Your Best Clues and about Nānā i ke kumu: What it means to “Look to Your Source”
  2. Places, Feelings and Learning. Learning Serenity
  3. Learn about Luana this Weekend: I know you have it in you!
  4. [Driving for] Coffee in Paniolo Country
  5. Weekend Warrior (Mine was a Wiliwili tree)

Speaking. I LOVE it. That’s why I charge for it

May 19, 2010 by Rosa Say

I want to keep loving it. All of it completely. The whole experience.

Speaking for an audience is joyful, and an incredible honor, and I want to keep it that way.

Photo Credit: In Concert by Martin Fisch on Flickr

So I’m wondering: How would a speaker (and a coach) write something like this for their speaking page, as a proactive and helpful statement?

I won’t speak for free by Mack Collier at The Viral Garden

Much shorter of course, and as tactfully as possible. Do you have any suggestions? It’s a delicate thing and no speaker wants to come off like some high and mighty snob! Any good examples you can point me to will be appreciated.

I’ve tried to be a bit more subtle about it, but the subtlety isn’t working.  (This was one example: “Free” never is, so don’t ask at Say “Alaka‘i.” I touched on it again  yesterday, though my post purpose was unrelated). Recessionary budgets have morphed into broken-record excuses which completely miss the point. Besides, I realize that it is unrealistic for me to expect that those who call me with their “please-speak-for-free” requests read my blog, and if I pursue this, something would have to go on my speaking page.

Having this link there has really helped with my experiences overall: How to Capture an Expert’s Value: 12 Tips …but it hasn’t solved the whole issue of how speaking for free is a bad idea more often than not… like when you drive for two hours to get to the engagement, or worse, fly and do the whole airport thing as usually must happen for me, and your host tells you they have made additions to their program, and you now have just ten minutes to present.

It can’t be coincidence that all my less-than-pleasant stories happen when I have done a presentation without charging for it: People simply do not value free nearly much as they value paying for something.

I have one more exception coming up. However Mack’s post has reminded me to be stronger in my resolve and put an end to my exceptions. It will be the last one for me. No more speaking for free, even though I truly LOVE the speaking itself. I weaken all of us who assess value to our Ho‘ohana work when I try to ‘be nice’ about it. I believe I give great value to my audiences, and if my host ever feels differently I am happy to give them a full refund of my fee.

So why am I writing about it here?

Two reasons: I value your opinion, and trust you’ll let me know if you think I should just leave it alone. I now have the conversation with those who inquire, but it can be an uncomfortable thing, and I suspect I would address it better proactively on that page, and in writing.

Second, to offer you my coaching on this as learning the value of Ho‘ohanohano: affording others dignity and respect, and in the process, conducting yourself with distinction.

Don’t be “that guy” and disrespect and devalue the work of other people, whether they speak or do something else for you. Be the polar opposite, and be the person who values them more. If you are a conference organizer, rethink your business model (there are good comments in Mack’s post in that regard).

I know that many of you who read Talking Story will never hire me, and that you read my blog for the complimentary coaching I happen to give as I write to think out loud as I do — and that’s okay, we both benefit. You’re my Ho‘ohana Community, and learning-together community is different from audience. Plus you ‘pay’ me in other ways, such as your subscribing when I ask, your comment conversation, buying my books and tweeting to share my articles.

Most important of all, you listen deeply, and you take action with what we talk about. We Ho‘ohana together, and you help me set a good example in living, working, managing, and leading with Aloha.

Since we’re likeminded in so many ways I don’t think I have to explain this very much, and I’m posting this here today to ask you to value what people do for you money-free. Stop for a moment, and think about what people give you. Think about what it takes for them to give it to you, and how you can appreciate them better. Value their giving more, so they feel that you DO understand their worth.

All work gets elevated when we who receive the good work of others assess it value. Something else kicks in like magic: The giver will try to give you way more than you have paid for.  I know I always do, and I’ll bet you do too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Footnotes:

To be fair to all the wonderful hosts out there who hire speakers, there are a bunch of reasons you can be asked to shorten a planned presentation, reasons out of their control. Other presenters will go overtime, a Q&A session heats up, air conditioning goes on the blink, you name it. I was once interrupted by a pair of mating mynah birds deciding the ballroom chandelier above the stage would suit their very loud courtship… what can you do but laugh as the flustered banquet captain stands on a chair and swats a broom at them? We’ve all run into those situations where you have to quickly edit what you’ve prepared, and you know what? Shorter can be way, way better for both you and your audience, as long as you have still delivered.

Coincidentally saw this at Presentation Zen yesterday too, where Garr Reynolds offers his application of Simon Sinek’s golden circle of communication: Starting presentations from why. This technique, of communicating 1–Why before 2–How or 3–What, is a great way to coach yourself in the wings before you present in whatever time you have been given.

Second, here is another post from Mack Collier: The introvert’s guide to speaking. You may never want to be someone who speaks as a professional presenter, however all Alaka‘i Managers will speak to teams or groups in some form —learning to do so is essential in your skillset— and Mack shares more of his experience, and how he went from fearing it to loving it.

Read the story behind the book: Imagine having a Thought Kit
Get your copy from the Kindle Store, or on Smashwords.com

Aspire to be Appreciated

September 16, 2009 by Rosa Say

“There are people whom one appreciates immediately and forever.
Even to know they are alive in the world is quite enough.”
—Nancy Spain

Just Ducky!

Thank you for being in my world, and thank you for reading.
I love knowing you are there.
—Rosa

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