How we Choose to use our Voice

This is my post to answer a call I’ve seen from Ho‘ohana Community member Steve Sherlock to participate in Andy Carvin’s Stop Cyberbullying Day. Steve says,

We need to treat each other with respect. We need to have civil conversations.”

That is but the beginning, for the respect of someone’s human dignity is crucial. We need to do more than that, because we can. We need to make this personal, and ask ourselves how we use our own voices for good, just as I know Steve always does.

I have had a wonderful week, surrounded by people who are learning to Manage with Aloha, including a group just now making the key breakthroughs we anticipated they would within their ho‘ohana, with learning the day-by-day practice of the Daily Five Minutes ®. This is exciting stuff; it energizes me and gives me hope. It fills me with optimism and it renews my rock solid confidence in knowing that at their core, people want to start from a place of good, and their good, their aloha, is always there.

Your aloha is your love and respect of self.

Sometimes though, it’s gotten bruised and battered and it’s in hiding, and the human being who shelters the good of aloha within them chooses to act defensively at first, and then by lashing out in the misguided notion that watching others hurt just as much as they hurt will help them feel more normal in the now-shared experience of having to hold their pain.

I do not know all the details, however I strongly suspect that is what has happened for blogger Kathy Sierra (visit the Andy Carvin post if you are hearing of this for the first time). Kathy unfortunately, tragically, became someone’s very public target and now banner of shared pain. I know that some will say I’m being too generous with the “mean-spirited” involved here, and that their jealousy of her success and the way I explain it only justifies it for them, and shifts the blame to outside forces which may have damaged them, when they must be held personally accountable.

Not so. I too feel they must be held personally accountable, and that at this point they need an intervention to occur, because they need help. Their pain has gotten too severe, to the point of which their better judgment is clouded and they cannot help themselves without others getting involved. I applaud the efforts of the blogging community now rallying to support Kathy’s cause, and I hope she takes the legal efforts necessary to protect herself and her rights, and that she is successful with them.

I hold Kuleana, the Hawaiian value of responsibility: Those who did this to Kathy must take personal rsponsibility for their actions. They must apologize and make amends if they are to completely become whole again so their aloha spirit can resurface.

However I am also one who subscribes to the theory of the Law of Attraction; if we hate them we feed into that hate and keep it running rampant. If we choose instead to intently seek the root causes of their actions and be those willing to help them get healthy again, that is the behavior we keep vibrantly alive.

And as you all know by now, I believe in aloha, and that it exists somewhere in all of us. All of us.

So what can you do?

If you are one close to Kathy’s case, who knows more of the details and can significantly help her and the police identify those who can reveal their ‘root cause’ I urge you to do so.

The rest of us must also look at our own circles of influence and ask ourselves, “What can I do? How can I use my voice in the best possible way?”

This is what we are seeing bloggers do right now, and aloha workplace coach that I am, I urge them to keep positive and keep proactive. Use your voice to fill our blogosphere with aloha and with the words of the positive energies which have bonded us together so strongly up to this point. Do not feed into the hate, for if you do so, you allow something outside of you to push your own aloha into hiding. You are stronger and smarter than that.

I am very proud of the bloggers who associate themselves with the Ho‘ohana Community. I can assure you that everyone I have listed as the past forum contributors on this home page’s blogroll have positive voices. I can assure you that everyone I have listed on this page, titled Who is the Ho‘ohana Community? have positive voices (and I do need to update that page; please let me know if you want to be listed there). As Terry so brilliantly coaches us to continually be, we are half-fullers, and as Phil so generously coaches us to do, we seek only to make it ”“ and everything involved in “it” ”“ great, and no less than great. Without my directly needing to tell them so, because they know me, every one of these bloggers knows that I have a zero-tolerance for using our voices for any negativity that feeds into the hate which can push aloha aside.

It may seem like a small thing, but the moment I might learn they use their voices for less than good, their links quietly disappear, for I refuse to enable any downward slide into pessimism. Negative comments here and on any of my sites (yes, I have had them too) are deleted immediately as I become aware of them.

However here’s the thing: Those who make poor choices are not banned or disowned either. I trust in their aloha, and when it resurfaces, so does their link. I believe in the aloha I KNOW resides within them, and I TRUST that because it’s there it will resurface. I cannot live my life in any other way, and I urge you to live your life that way too.

  • This, A Love Affair with Books, now happening on Joyful Jubilant Learning with Blaine’s coaching today to use our strengths, “for bringing strengths to the forefront of one’s professional life, and minimizing attention and time spent on areas of weakness,” is the latest example of how the Ho‘ohana Community as a force of positive learning, chooses to use their voices. Yes, Say Leadership Coaching IS the sponsor of the JJL site, and those bloggers also know my line in the sand with negativity and pessimism. They take very seriously their responsibility with the aloha they must help flourish and thrive through learning. They do it magnificently, and I am immensely proud of them.

All connects to aloha, and to the human spirit in which I place my faith and my trust.

How will you, and how do you consistently choose to use your voice?

Keep aloha in your spirit.


  1. says

    An informational update: You may want to read this recent comment on Andy’s blog left by Parry Aftab
    Exec Director
    (home of
    An Excerpt:
    “Anonymous attacks can be now handled by the FBI, which makes it easier to track them across state lines.
    Count us in on your campaign to stop cyberharassment for all ages, but having handled thousands of cases of cyberstalking and harassment through’s cyberstalking and harassment team and helpline, it’s important that we take this as seriously as it should be taken. “Bullying” is too often (sadly) brushed off as “kids will be kids.”
    Often different motives and methods and different legal ramifications.”

  2. says

    So well said Rosa, and I’m proud to be one of those positive voices. I have that same faith in the human spirit, and the thought that you and many others feel the same way keep fueling that faith. Thanks!

  3. says

    This is another step on the journey to One – exploring our Aloha. We all wield the same power of the word, it is how we choose our words that makes our voice a tool or a weapon.
    The intent within a single word is revealed in the heart of the one speaking.
    Disturbing is the darkness we see in others, let is judge not, as we look at another since they are simply mirroring what has been spoken into their life.
    We must model that which the world is seeking most, oneness, unity and connection.
    Whether we reach out with a branch of hope or a sharp stick, begins in the heart.
    Let us first explore becoming one with ourselves – mind, body, and spirit. Then we shall change our world and our voice.

  4. says

    Aloha for Virginia Tech: Choosing to Respond

    I was inspired by an email I received from Reg Adkins earlier today, which read in part, “I wanted to suggest that we come together and each take a proactive step of addressing the issue from our areas of expertise.

  5. says

    You live the following quotation:
    “The human voice is the organ of the soul.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
    The world can be made smaller by acts of violence yet the heart and soul can forever be expanding.

  6. says

    Thank you David.
    I so agree that “the heart and soul can forever be expanding.” Our capacity to care more, love more, do more and BE more is one of our greatest gifts. To not use that gift is to be less than fully grateful.

  7. says

    Big Brother Blog, Little Sister Coach

    Coaching and Blogging; could this be a match made in Business Heaven? They surely seem to be siblings growing up together in the same household. Greg Balanko-Dickson did a posting at Joyful Jubilant Learning yesterday that got me thinking: Coaching