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The Aloha “of great value” which is February 14th

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Preface: I originally posted this on February 14, 2005, my first Valentines Day blogging, and I now reread it each year, for I need reminders as much as anyone else; I too need those gentle helps which keep me growing into a better person. The trace on my digital calendar is linked to this page, and says, “Be good to your family, and read this again – read it EARLY!” for my favorite on the list is the morning rebooting one, which says, “Close your eyes, and wake up all over again – in a great mood.”

We don’t need to buy anything for Valentines Day (sorry retailers, but even you know it’s true)… we need to be a Valentine. As Henry David Thoreau so keenly observed, “I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of a human being to elevate their life by conscious endeavor.”

If a flower were a firecracker

Happy Valentines Day!

In my humble opinion, this is a day we take too much for granted, or just let slip by us. I’ve been the guiltiest of us all in this, and I’m trying my best to make up for lost time.

In Hawaii, there is a phrase which you will often hear in songs and chants:

He waiwai nui ke aloha, ‘o ka‘u nō ia e pÅ«lama nei.
Love is of great value, it is what I do cherish.

On this Valentines Day, I’d urge you to think of everyone you love and care for, and not just the one you may be romantically involved with. Those you love, and who love you, don’t need chocolate or flowers from you, they want the simpler things which are very easy for you to give — things that will do wonders for you too, for there’s only one way to pull off the suggestions on this list: You must tap into the goodness of your Aloha Spirit.

Close your eyes, and wake up all over again – in a great mood.
Choose to wear something they gave you for Christmas, or your last birthday. Display that funky gift on your desk.
Don’t rush, be patient. For today, let it be okay to interrupt you, and be interested, be curious and intrigued.
Let them go first.
Let them go last.
Give a sincere compliment about how they look today. Better yet, notice what they do.
Admire something they said, and share a comment which elevates it.
Ask for their advice.
Talk about a good memory you have of another time spent with them. Say thank you for it, again.
Call your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your son, your daughter, your best friend.
Make a date to spend more time with them next week. Clear your calendar so there will be no way to miss it or forget it.
Do a chore for them when it’s not your turn, but theirs, with no word said to call attention to it.
Keep a promise you’ve made. Make another one you know is important to them.
Hug them.
Smile at them, laugh with them.
Kiss their cheek. Hold their hand.
Apologize.
Share a dream or secret just with them.
Let them know its okay to be silly, or make a mistake, because you’ll be there for them.
Write a few mushy words of caring somewhere they are sure to see it.
Go home on time. Better yet, get home before they do.
Be completely present and open to possibility. No screens: Skip the idle channel, web, and dial surfing and turn off your phone.
Watch whatever they want to watch, listen to whatever they want to listen to, and stay in the same room with them.
Cook for them, clean for them.
Sing to them.
Read to them and tuck them in.
Do not allow a single negative, unkind or uncaring word to escape your lips.
Give them your permission before they have to ask you for it.
Radiate your joy, and be fun to be around. Be happy because that’s how the people who love you will love seeing you.

Don’t expect anything in return, and enjoy being someone who loves, wanting nothing but the chance to set that example.

“Managing with Aloha” is not enough today: Live with Aloha.

I know it’s a weekday, however I’d guess that the normal intensity you bring to work can wait for tomorrow. If the people you work with think differently, be a leader and consider this: they want someone braver than they are to show them the way; they need your good example. Today is Valentines Day, and it only happens once a year. You have the best excuse today for wearing your heart on your sleeve.

He waiwai nui ke aloha, ‘o ka‘u nō ia e pÅ«lama nei.
Me ke aloha pumehana,
Rosa

Weeping Bottle BrushFrom 2011:
A Valentine of Aloha ~
Love can be a hard concept to wrap your arms around at work, but respect isn’t.

From 2010:
Valentines Day is Aloha Blooming ~
See the comments: Anne asked, “How do you say Happy Valentines Day in Hawaiian?”

And for ALL of 2012:
An Aloha Business for 2012 ~
Allow the “Aloha attitude” of Valentines Day to forge your commitment to year-long value alignment.

A Valentine of Aloha

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Are you ready for some good lovin’? The only answer, is “Yes!”

Happy Valentine’s Day, 2011

Aloha — love and respect of self and others, in everything
~ Prepping for Ho‘ohana

“Every single day, somewhere in the world, Aloha comes to life.
As it lives and breathes within us, it defines the epitome of sincere, gracious, and intuitively perfect customer service given from one person to another.”
~ Managing with Aloha
~ Your Aloha Spirit, Tightly Curled and Regal

“In his soul he did not respect her and, without being aware of it, did not love her, though by the notions of the circle in which he lived, by his upbringing, he could not imagine to himself any other relation to his mother than one obedient and deferential in the highest degree, and the more obedient and deferential he was, the less he respected and loved her in his soul.”
~ we learn how Count Vronsky feels about his mother,
referred to earlier in the chapter as a “brilliant society woman”
in Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina

Imagine for a moment, how this same relationship can play out in the workplace between manager and those ‘managed.’ Even the ‘highest degree’ of obedience and deferential treatment feels so shallow and unfulfilling, doesn’t it. We much prefer, and want, the love of Aloha.

Love by Arwen Abendstern on Flickr

Love can be a hard concept to wrap your arms around at work, but respect isn’t.

If you want to love your people, start there:
Ask yourself, on this Valentine’s Day, how can I better respect my team?

Ask, how can I show how much I respect them, within my thoughts (for they feel them), in the words I use (for they hear them), and in my every action? (for they see them.)

Need I more respect for their intelligence?
Need I more respect for their feelings, and emotional well-being?
Need I more respect for their history, their experience, their heritage and sense of place?

Respect their uniqueness in whatever form they present themselves to you.
Respect their complete worth, and people will feel your love.

Last year: Valentine’s Day is Aloha Blooming

A Love-Minded Aloha Challenge for Valentines Day

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What better day is there than Valentine’s Day to celebrate ALOHA, the universal value of unconditional love of others, and the unconditional love of self?

Yet as I thought about this, I wondered how I could help with a more concrete coaching suggestion on how to make this Valentine’s Day more useful for us at work. What could we all do that was pretty simple, but could also be pretty effective?

This is what I came up with: We could reveal our strengths, and we could ask others we work with to reveal their strengths too.

Why? Pure and simple, strengths make us feel stronger, better, and more confident. More useful to others.

So, I’m sending this missive out as a Valentine’s Day suggestion to all of you who have some kind of subscription with me, either for my newsletters or my feeds: Wear your heart, and your strengths on your sleeve today! It’s not that hard to do; you just do what you love…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Heart_on_sleeve
Aloha Valentines Day Ho‘ohana Community!

Are you up for a Love-minded Aloha challenge today?

I’ve been having conversations with managers this month about their Kuleana, and what is and what is not their responsibility. We all seem to agree on this:

  • Managers matter most when they work with people.
  • Therefore, it is the manager’s responsibility to help people thrive.
  • People thrive at work when the vital work they do is an expression of their strengths.
  • In other words, thriving work is vital work you are really good at.


Here’s our challenge though: Strengths can be hard for managers to spot unless they look like tangible activities. Strengths can be hard for people to explain, even when the ones they are trying to describe are their own.

Well, I can tell you this. 99 times out of a 100, when someone is doing something at work that they LOVE to do, that "something" is somehow connected to one of their strengths. When we work within our strengths, we get positive jolts of energy, and feelings of satisfaction that make us feel great. We feel a part of our own aloha spirit.

So managers, look for, listen for, and put your feelers out for the LOVE. In fact, you don’t have to be a manager for this challenge; everyone who cares about the other people they work with can take it up too. Today is Valentines Day, and it is the PERFECT opportunity for you to do this. Here’s some help you can say you got from a workplace aloha coach: Me.

Copy and paste, or forward my message in an email: Send this message (a challenge for you) to the people you work with (an invitation for them)… Here’s my Love-minded Aloha Challenge for you both today:


Don’t wait until you go home to celebrate your Valentine’s Day Aloha. For the last hour of your workday today, do only what you most LOVE to do at work. Do it before then if you can, but do it for the last hour for sure —we all will.

Trust yourself: Trust that if you LOVE it (LOVE it, not LIKE it, or are OKAY with it), it comes from within the aloha you feel when you’re at work, and trust it is GOOD.

Puppy_valentine
Have yourself an Aloha Valentines Day.

“Managing with Aloha” is not enough today: Live and work with Aloha.

Be a lot nicer, speak a lot kinder, feel a lot stronger.
We all will!
~ Rosa

Valentine Card photo credits: a photoset on Flickr by valart2008.