Talking Story

Starting new conversations in the workplace!

Curiosity tears down walls

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Curiosity is such a strong and compelling force.

Curiosity tears down walls

I snapped the photo above while walking through this construction tunnel. As you can see, there was no great mystery to what was on the other side of the tunnel, erected as a safety barrier, and yet someone had to have this mid-tunnel window, breaking through the wall best they could, and just enough to get a peek through to the other side.

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Ironically, they are building another wall, an even higher one.

People love windows

We love windows in the way they let light shine in, both literally and metaphorically.

For instance, we love to look into the inner workings of a company. We feel privileged when given that look inside, and will applaud their transparency.

What can you show us where you work?

Conversely, is there anything you’re conscious of hiding from our view? What are your reasons? Would it be better to simply clean up whatever mess could potentially embarrass you?

A window with a guide is even better

Earlier this week, I made a call to American Express about a charge which shouldn’t have been on my credit card statement, and was pleasantly surprised with how the woman I spoke with turned the call into a great customer service experience.

Once the reason for my call was settled, she asked me if I’d like to take the time to review my account in other ways, including a request that I never be put through the automated voice mail system again while calling, and go straight through to a representative. She ended up tweaking my account in 5 different ways, each of them delighting me.

This was my window: she never put me on hold as many do because their computer system needs time to do its magic, and they don’t know what to say to you. Usually the silence is too uncomfortable, and they rather run the risk (which all customers hate) that we’ll get disconnected. Not this time: She had the same waits to fill, so she made the silence comfortable for both of us by talking me through the steps she was taking, sprinkled with statements about how much she loved her job. What an ambassador for American Express!

I’ve become someone who only uses my credit card when I have to. I much prefer paying in cash as a habit which makes me think twice before buying and keeps me out of debt. (Cash also helps the vendors I eagerly support, for they won’t have to pay any credit card merchant fees either.) However there are times cash won’t do, especially with all the travel I do, so I have two credit cards I’ll use when the need arises. I’ve kept both as my choices because the companies give me customer service windows that strip away any mystery of uncertainty (the other card is issued by USAA, one of the best-run businesses I have ever had the pleasure of working with).

This definitely fits into Managing with Aloha. Curiosity, windows in, and the light of Mālamalama (enlightenment.) A good way to revisit my own business models and improve them too: Model Me This.

Archive Aloha: Another story about customer service desks: Put that thing down!

Helping Without Hurting

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There are so many management lessons to be learned from parenting, and I think that helping without hurting is one of them.

Loving your children, and loving the people you manage, will cause you to help them unconditionally. You want to do so much for them, and so you’ll give an awful lot; your generosity knows no bounds.

Yet we do have to step back at times (at many, many times), and stop ourselves.

We need to stop giving when we make it way too easy, and those we give to lose their own natural hunger. They don’t try hard enough, nor reach far enough, because we’ve robbed them of the experience of striving, and wanting more badly than they do.

We intended to help, and to love, but we’ve hurt them because we’ve robbed them of the joy which can come from expended effort. We’ve prolonged their path to achieving their self-reliance (if they ever do).

It is one thing to have your child tell himself

“It’s hard; I’ve tried several times and keep coming up short — why?”

It’s quite another to have your child tell himself

“Why bother? I’ll get it one day if I just wait long enough.”

In the first instance, he will keep questioning, and keep looking for new methods, options or alternatives. “Hard” is a temporary state of affairs. In the second, we’ve chipped away at his once-innate bravado and can-do spirit and only complacency remains. Even wanting something has gotten shallow.

We can keep caring

I’ve found that the value of Mālama can help me make better decisions when I weigh my options between giving that help I so want to give, yet holding back my first impulses to do so. Thinking about Mālama gives me pause, at least long enough to listen to that small voice which affirms yet asks, “I know you have good intentions, but are you sure you should do this for them?”

Mālama” the value of caring and compassion.
Stewardship.
Mālamalama” the light of knowledge, and clarity of thinking.
Enlightenment.

I admit to you that I continue to fail miserably at holding back as a parent. I’m weak.  I know that I do way too much for my children, and I need to stop, so they do for themselves. I’m better at this as a manager, where there’s a bit less intimacy in our relationships (we have useful boundaries) but I can mess up a lot there too.

However I’m  getting better by remembering to call on Mālama as my self-coaching mantra. Mālama is also the value of empathy, and putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes as the way we care for them. We weigh in with tough love precisely because we are compassionate, and we do care, but we need to pause for a bit more enlightenment: We’ll then be able to give our care in the best way versus the impulsive way.

Show me the signs

I find I’m looking for recognizable markers now. They are very individual though, shifting from person to person. I ask myself, “When is that concept of ‘tough love’ better?” and the most reliable answer is “Usually. Try to see it more. Allow it to show up.”

It gets increasingly better. The joy is that I can accept my strength and deny my weakness. The irony of tough love, is that it is often tougher on us, than on those we give it to, and as such, it’s one of the greatest kinds of love which exist.

When we’ve stopped giving too much, without holding back an iota on the goal we strive for or the gift we want to give, and our children or our people become successful on their own in achieving it, we are also successful in becoming stronger — we’ve both become stronger. Our weakness was another temporary state of affairs.

What about you? How do you achieve this balance? How do you help your children, and your people, become hungry, tenacious, resilient and persistent? Do you go so far as to introduce adversity into the workplace, or at least illuminate it? Then what kind of support do you continue to give, without giving too much, so that they welcome your tough love for them?

Photo Credit: Reach by Cayusa on Flickr

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