discipline

Tacit Approval: Don’t you dare give it!

November 12, 2009 by Rosa Say for Say “Alaka‘i”

Tacit approval has come up in my coaching discussions with managers three times over the last week, and this will not be a strike-out for us! Let’s play ball…

What is it?

Let’s say you are the manager. Tacit approval happens when:

a) a direct-report of yours does something wrong
b) you become aware of it
c) that direct-report and/or others within your workplace are aware of both a) and b)
d) you do nothing about it and let it slide

As a result, you have given tacit approval for that wrong which was committed.

Your silent message to everyone else can be interpreted in several different ways, and none of them are good.

The possibilities?

You don’t care.
You have bigger fish to fry, and small mistakes are okay.
That’s a small mistake, so none of us need to care about it.
There is nothing to learn from that mistake anyway.
The work involved wasn’t really important. In fact, if you stop doing it totally I won’t care about that either.
It’s okay to mess up. Just don’t get caught.
If you catch wind of a wrong you’ll look the other way, so we all can see how much we can get away with.
You’re chicken. That employee intimidates you.
You play favorites. That employee is never corrected.
You settle for less: You’re a shady deal-maker who will accept lesser-quality performance (you don’t want to upset the apple cart, because 80% of what that direct-report does is more right than wrong).
You’re green and lacking confidence, and you’re avoiding the situation because you don’t know what to do, or how to approach finding a solution.
You know what to do, but you’re not going to bother. Training, coaching and mentoring isn’t worth your attentions.
You’re lazy or clueless, and hoping that no one else knows about it.
You think that direct-report knowing that you know is enough, and they will self-correct. (You are wrong.)

Now, I seriously doubt you really think any of those things (and if you do, get a different job, for management is not for you). However you better be aware that those thoughts running rampant through your workplace are doing even more damage —for you can bet people are talking about it. Your reputation as a manager is getting shredded.

Is that what you really want?

I didn’t think so.

Every discipline can be turned into a teachable moment.

It is as simple as a conversation which unemotionally states, “I know what happened. Let’s talk about it.” Then listen, and let the other person lead where the conversation has to go. End the conversation with an agreement where they fix their own problem and you are not taking on any clean-up they can handle within their own sphere of influence, ability and capacity.

Look for that teachable moment and never, ever shy away from disciplinary discussions which need to happen. Alaka‘i managers enjoy the teaching and the coaching, and even the problem-solving. They enjoy creating a workplace environment where people can achieve their very best, and grow to BE their best, and there is absolutely no place in healthy workplace cultures for tacit approval.

Photo Credit: No Tolerance (134/365) by Icky Pic on Flickr

Become the Tax Man: Groom Your Self-Discipline with Deadlines

April 9, 2009 by Rosa Say for Say “Alaka‘i”

~ Originally published on Say “Alaka‘i” April 2009 ~
Become the Tax Man: Groom Your Self-Discipline with Deadlines

One of the self-coaching mantras I find managers in my coaching programs will quickly adopt is this one:

“We’re not command and control freaks; our deadlines do that for us.”

They adopt it for two reasons:

Managers hate to be thought of as command and direct control freaks. If they fall into that behavior by default or necessity something is wrong, and though they might not admit to it out loud, they know it’s wrong and needs to be fixed.
They understand that grooming a discipline with meeting self-imposed deadlines is fabulous with boosting their own productivity and that of their organizational culture as a whole.

Think of what happens when you have a deadline coming up: One that nearly everyone shares right now is filing our annual income tax forms with Uncle Sam by April 15th and with the State of Hawai‘i by April 20th. Think of how everything else these first two weeks of April falls away as non-essential or less than the day’s priority until the time you file them.

This posting is case in point: Yesterday was my “before today or we’re filing an extension this year” deadline for getting all of my inputs to the CPA I trust to do the form choosing, filling and computing for me. Made my morning deadline sending all to him at 10pm the night before, and one consequence of my waiting until then, was that this post is more than nine hours later than I usually would have it waiting for you each Thursday” I didn’t do that well in meeting my deadline after all.

I chose to get a good night’s sleep instead. You are all very good to me, and most of you will totally understand, empathizing with me and feeling that this blog post being late is no biggie. Am I content with that? Nope; I feel I screwed up, and that sleeping was selfish.

Now you.

— Think about how you feel when you meet your deadline ”“ or joy of all joys you are actually early with it!

— Think of how you feel when you are late ”“ or when you suspect you may have disappointed someone else depending on you to meet your deadline so that they can meet theirs.

The Tax Man doesn’t tie much emotion into it at all; he just expects us to pay penalties and interest. Do managers levy come kind of penalty and interest when deadlines are not met at work? They should” chances are customers would be happier, co-workers would be happier, relationships might flow much more smoothly in a bunch of other circumstances because essentially, when a deadline is met, an agreement has been kept.

So, to keep your agreements, set a deadline connected to it, and meet that deadline.

To keep your agreements with a flourish, set a deadline earlier than necessary, and meet that deadline instead.

To improve your personal productivity, set those agreements with yourself, and become your own Tax Man.

Let’s talk story:

Do you have good self-discipline with deadlines? If so, share your tips with us!
As a manager and leader, do you feel comfortable setting some kind of ‘penalties and interest’ in your workplace when deadlines are not met? Why not? What would it take to have it accepted well?
Why do you think ‘penalties and interest’ are necessary in the first place, whatever form they might take?

Photo credit: don't panic! by hufse.

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Golden opportunities can look pretty dingy at times

May 20, 2005 by Rosa Say

On a week-to-week basis I limit my one-on-one coaching to Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings. Personal coaching is intensive, and I’ve found that this time frame works best for me so I’m not spread too thin in the focus I need to give to my clients.

As they usually do, the past three days offered up some very interesting scenarios. There was one in particular that we can all learn from:

How do you handle it when one of your employees voluntarily offers up a difficult solution?

In the case of the manager I was coaching, an employee offered this near the end of a counseling conversation the manager had initiated because disciplinary action (a written warning in the employee’s file) regrettably had to be taken:

“In all honesty, maybe I don’t belong here.”

Turns out the employee is spot on: he is in the wrong job, and it continues to be a source of frustration for him, for his peers, for his manager, and for the company. The manager has dealt with him as patiently as possible, and is actively counseling him while silently hoping that the employee will find a better job somewhere else. However he hasn’t been able to verbally make that suggestion, and here, when the employee finally does it himself, what happens? He says,

“Oh come now, don’t be too hard on yourself. You can do better.”

He missed his golden opportunity, and now he’s kicking himself for it, asking me what the best way is to recreate the moment so he can grab it next time.

I feel for him, for this is one of those situations of learning the hard way: Most of us who have managed for a while can relate to what happened. It’s a wonderful part of our human nature that we try to make the other person feel better when they are down on themselves: We try to lift their spirits, and point out the more positive options, looking for those lights at the end of the tunnel no matter how dimly they may be flickering. We do this instinctively, even when we know that a change must be made, and made soon.

What I’ve personally learned that may help you is this: slow down. Learn to get more comfortable with the momentary silences that happen in difficult conversations. Let the suggestion hang in the air for a moment and don’t respond too soon.

One of two things will happen. Either the employee will speak first, offering up more information for you to better respond to, or you will have had the time to think before you speak. And often, the best thing to say next very well may be, “I think you’re right.” However that moment of silence will have conveyed to the employee that you know it’s a difficult decision, and you’ve taken the time to think about it and about their feelings.

What is it?

The possibilities?

Is that what you really want?

Suggested follow-up reading, newly written in 2010: