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Ho‘okipa : A Mother’s Love

July 7, 2007 by Guest Author

She was dog tired.  Worked nine hours, picked up Jen and Liz from day care, stopped by the grocery store, got home and made dinner, cleaned up and gave the kids a bath.  The kids weren’t ready for bed so she read a little Dr. Suess to them. 

She heard the words coming from her mouth, but her mind began to drift.  Three years since she divorced Dan and with most of her family five hours away, she felt so alone.  Kate asked her three times a week to stop for a drink after work.  It would have been easier to plan the Battle of Normandy.  Day care closed at six.  She usually got there at five after.  Jen wiggled, was she supposed to stop at the bank today?  Was Liz’s appointment with the behavioral psychologist Tuesday or Wednesday?  Did she miss sending Mom a birthday card?

The girls began to nod off.  Half an hour later she had them in bed.  It was ten-thirty.  She needed to start looking on the Internet for another apartment and she should have paid the bills two days ago.  But her head was pounding, and her ankles began to resemble a flotation device.  The stuff that she needed to do to live, would have to wait till tomorrow.  A couple of Motrins and she fell asleep.  Five and a half hours and she would be up doing it all over again.  Except that in two hours Jen’s screams would wake her up. 

Jen’s fever was one-hundred and three.  She bundled the kids up and went to the closest Urgent Care.  By the time they got back home it was four in the morning.  Jen couldn’t go to day care and she didn’t have any more sick days.  Thoughts of "why me God?" tried to creep into her head.  But she refused to let them in.

It was all about Jen and Liz.  Her girls were going to college and they’d get married and have babies and have a life.

A mother’s love is the essence of Ho’okipa…a gentle reminder to those bosses out there who employ working moms. 

 


Our Guest Author is Dave Rothacker, author of Rothacker Reviews and RadioBack, and he is one of the best storytellers I know. Dave has had mothers on his mind recently, and I must point you to two essays he recently wrote on his blog that will then fully explain his definition here for Ho’okipa:

First read Mothers, and then read A Mother’s Aura. Then, give your mom a call, say mahalo, and tell her you love her.
~Rosa

Nodes of Knowledge

September 14, 2006 by Guest Author

Where does learning take place? Connotations of Sister Mary Alberta and the
typical classroom setting dance about my head. Nun Typical that is, of forty years ago. Typical was a stern face pressed down upon by a starched habit. Typical was a two foot long ruler forged of
titanium steel and ribbed with razors. Typical was painful. But typical
still comes to mind when I think about learning. The school classroom of yesteryear was
typical.

The school classroom has traveled a great distance since the
days of Sister Mary Alberta. You’ve only to look at this screen to realize how far it’s gone. 

Bob, who belongs to the same trade association, tells you of
a time saving technique to use in Excel. Mary, your barber, tells you of an out-of-this-world restaurant. Harry, your mechanic, tells you of a software
program that will help keep track of maintenance. Emma, your coworker, hooks you up with an
online writing course.  The nodes in our networks are today and tomorrow’s classroom.

Now, hyperlink those nodes.  Can you say  Vulcan Mind Probe ?  The power of hyperlinking our networks is without fences.  How many times have we visited each other’s sites and followed a link to another site and to another site?Person_at_a_computer  Hours go by and we hardly even notice.  Picture yourself as a farmer.  Imagine that each connection is a seed planted.  Suppose that perodic contact with those connections is a sunshine and water injection into fertile soil.  Celebrate the harvest opportunity.

At one point in Henry Ford’s lifetime, he sued a Chicago newspaper for calling him "an ignorant pacifist."  Once on the witness stand, the opposing lawyers asked him questions to try and prove his ignorance.  Tired of the verbal onslaught, Ford asked why he should clutter up his mind with general knowledge when he had men around him who could answer any question that he needed.  Aren’t those who value knowledge within their networks somewhat like Henry Ford?

The Xerox corporation once tried to implement a software program in their call center to help solve customer problems.  The program was a database of solutions that were to be accessed by employees.  Because employees were not using the software, Xerox created a contest to see who could accumulate the most points for solving customer problems – using either the software or by their own means.  The winner was Carlos, an eight-year employee who was pistol smart and never used the software.  The runner up was Trish, who had only been with the company for four months and had no previous copier experience.

Trish’s edge?  She sat next to Carlos.  Trish also built her own collection of knowledge by asking her coworkers for tips. 

Think about your own situation. Do you plod through knowledge databases and reference manuals, or do you e-mail / call an acquaintance who you’re sure knows the answer?

Albert_nodes_of_knowledge_2

I feel most fortunate to be part of the Ho’ohana community here and have the opportunity of wisdom and knowledge but one phone call or click away – minus of course the titanium steel barbed with razors!

 

 



Dave Rothacker
reviews Most Excellent Books, Businesses and Folks at Rothacker Reviews.

Working within your circle of influence.

March 13, 2005 by Rosa Say

Earlier today Dave asked me a question within the comments of my Don’t let Reinvention intimidate you post. I started to answer Dave there, but this is too important, and I’d like to share it with all of you who may be reading.

This was Dave’s comment:

Aloha Rosa,

I have this friend, lets call him Bob. Bob works for a national company that has around one-hundred locations throughout the USA. At his location, Bob answers to a general manager. On more than one occasion this gm has clenched his fists, scrunched his face and declared to no one in particular (but making sure plenty are around)…how much he hates change.

The gm answers to a regional vp who answers to two or three more people before getting to the president. This lap-dog crowd dances to the hypnotic hysteria of Wall Street flute players. Consequently the gm is in heaven, for the corporate lap-dogs have taken their eye off the ball and blindly stare at the scoreboard in centerfield – the one that pulsates their name in harmony with the flute players from Mars.

Oh, the corporate lap-dogs realize change is necessary. So they fiddle with the corporate logo or they change a national vendor or they suddlenly get the desire to become warm, fuzzy and ethical – right about the time the Sarbanes-Oxley train pulls into town. This means nothing to Bob. Bob knows change must come at the company’s point of delivery – where customer meets employee.

Maybe Bob has chosen the wrong job. Problem is, while most of his industry doesn’t have to answer to Wall Street, they still refuse (or do not possess the competency) to address the true point of delivery.

So Bob can have it all going. He knows his strengths, he always tries to do the right thing and he is connected with his personal values. Heck, Bob even told me something must be wrong with him – because that is what the gurus tell him. They say when one believes the problem lies outside of their selves, it is best to introspect because the problem must really lie within.

Actually, I have directed Bob towards The 8th Habit, because I believe it addresses this very problem. Problem is Bob says a lot of these authors live in a fairy tale world. They are not out there living the agonizing career life that he is.

I don’t know Rosa. What about Bob?

Aloha Dave,

Just from what you’ve written here, I don’t think that Bob can truly “have it all going.” The biggest clue is that he’s frustrated and not happy.

-“He knows his strengths” — does he work within them, every single day, to produce something he feels is worthwhile? There’s some truth to that “ignorance is bliss” adage, for the worse kind of frustration is when you know what your strengths are, but you also realize (or feel in your gut) that you aren’t using them, or you are using them, but not for the right purpose.

-“He always tries to do the right thing” — trying is not necessarily doing, is it.

-“He is connected with his personal values” — and are those personal values in alignment with those of the company? That’s the critical connection, and it does sound like that’s what’s missing.

This sentence you wrote concerns me for Bob’s sake:

“Bob even told me something must be wrong with him – because that is what the gurus tell him. They say when one believes the problem lies outside of their selves, it is best to introspect because the problem must really lie within.”

I hope he stops listening to those “gurus” whoever they are, because that goes back to the old (and spirit-damaging) X Theory that people are basically the problem and need to be fixed. On the contrary, I believe that Bob is the solution, and that he has what it takes.

Like Bob, I don’t care for authors or gurus who present solutions that are not in the context of the “real world.” However there are universal, historically-proven principles (like values, and I believe, the Gallup strengths management revolution) that don’t change, and yet we keep fighting them.

The gurus, authors, mentors and coaches that have helped me personally in my own struggles as a manager, are those who got me to change my own thinking — they were catalysts, but ultimately the answer I was looking for came from me, and were based in my own experiences. That is always my goal in my coaching, and why I ask people to please not introduce me as a consultant: I don’t work with you to give you an answer, otherwise you’ll need me around forever. My goal is to help you grow in your own, very self-enabling, intuitively correct thinking: I coach managers to get better at finding their own answers, and then being brave enough to take action on them.

I have not read The 8th Habit yet, and you need to clue me into why you feel this is a possible answer for Bob. However another Coveyism comes to mind for me: Covey talks about the “circle of influence” we all have, and that’s a concept that helps me put things in context for the managers I coach who are like Bob. It’s hard to effect change on things that are outside our circle of influence. However when we work within it first, and we are able to effect good change there, we achieve a momentum that helps us enlarge our circle. Said another way, the circle grows with our own capacity for handling more.

In my Hawaiian values jargon — it’s frustrating, hard, and unrealistic to expect you can effect change (or any reinvention) that’s simply not your Kuleana – yet. The size and “location” of your circle of influence is determined by your Ho‘ohana.

I’ve found that this circle of influence has been a helpful way for many managers to determine if they are in the right job or not, because it is possible in the short term, to be in the right circle of influence for you in the wrong company: Your strengths are used, and your values are not compromised because you are effective. You aren’t on Wall Street, but you are at that customer point of delivery, and the customer is the real boss. We see this happen all the time: that a certain store or department location does things right while they are under the radar, and then suddenly corporate office sits up and takes notice because profits are flowing. That’s what business is supposed to do; make a profit.

On a much smaller scale, think of a waitress in a neighborhood restaurant who works there because she knows the food is good and priced well. She loves her customers, serves them well and thoroughly enjoys doing so. Now her restaurant is actually part of a much larger, national chain, but as far as she’s concerned, that well priced, good food is coming from that one kitchen and nowhere else. She loves the people she works with, and she feels they are all working together to make the restaurant both successful and a good place to work. She is thriving in her circle of influence.

When you are effective you feel you are challenged and growing to meet that challenge. As your circle grows — and if you have been effective within it, it will — you will be able to effect the reinvention you want to tackle that was previously outside the circle. If not, that’s when it’s time to move on. And it’s a move that won’t be that difficult, because the reason that old circle got too confining for you is that you outgrew it. You now have quality experiences and hence have created a proven track record all prospective employers will look for.

Growing your circle of influence does not necessarily equate to taking a promotion or getting into management: it means developing your own strengths from grade a usage, to grade b usage, then grade c usage, and so forth. Let’s go back to that waitress:

She is Mea Ho‘okipa, and her key strengths are that she is a Relator and an Achiever. Her customers come back repeatedly and she can handle a good many of them at the same time (the restaurant is full, and makes money) and they tip her well (and so does she). The worse possible thing that can happen here is that she gets promoted to floor supervisor and stops serving them directly.

If this sounds as simple as “right place, right time,” it is. The hard part is always coming to terms with what you perceive is “right,” and that brings us back to values.

God forbid that I become one of those authors living “in a fairy tale world” so please continue to challenge me if you feel I’ve somehow missed the boat on this. I know many heads were nodding out there in reading your story, and the very reason I have chosen coaching is because it is largely a one-on-one practice, where I can help guide a manager through his or her own minefield until they feel confident enough to do it without me. My last word of encouragement to you Dave, would be to continue coaching Bob if you feel you can and you want to: sounds like he may already have chosen you, for he’s trusted you with the sincerity and truth of what he faces.

Does Bob like to read? Until I can write my own one day :-) there is another book I can recommend to managers and leaders who might want to consider how coaching works, but want to test the waters themselves first in a more affordable way. It’s called Your Coach [In a Book] and it was written by Robert Hargrove, the author of Masterful Coaching, and Michael Renaud. I found it was very insightful and helpful, and it employs story after story about those real-world decisions, bothersome issues, and dilemmas managers and leaders face.

Coaching FAQ is here.
MWA Book Excerpt on Ho‘ohana.

Mahalo nui Dave for posing the questions for us to talk story on.

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