Talking Story

Starting new conversations in the workplace!

  • Rosa’s Books
  • ManagingWithAloha.com
  • RosaSay.com

To Resolve Polarity, Dine and Discuss

September 27, 2011 by Rosa Say

I grew up in a house that was essentially non-political. My dad trended toward conservative views, and my mom toward liberal ones, but neither would label themselves Republican, Democrat or anything else. That said, they weren’t fence-sitters either, and they voted zealously, believing that the ability to weigh issues and vote on them was a hallmark, and the privilege of being an American citizen. It was an honor relatively new to them, for they were just 6 years married when Hawai‘i became our 50th State, and my dad was a Korean War vet (the war had trumped their honeymoon plans) so to deny that new privilege would have been downright unimaginable.

My mom was president of the local Toastmistress Club. Therefore, that weighing of the issues of the time was something which happened regularly at our dinner table. My parents would each take a side (even if they already sensed their agreement), debate them, and then turn to me and my brothers and ask, “So what do you agree with?” Not ‘who’ but ‘what’ — it was an important distinction. Then they’d ask, “Why?” for we had to be able to explain whatever stand we took. We couldn’t yet vote at the polls, but we could vote for the family — as long as we listened enough first to form a worthy opinion, ‘worthy’ because it balanced our gut-level values with additional learning and open mindedness. Equally expected, was that we’d get on board with any decision the family arrived at. Opting out was not an option.

My parents had an agreement: They would never vote in a way which would cancel the other out, for that wasn’t the way to go forward and make their votes count. If we got stymied, an issue was tabled for later, giving it (and us) more time to simmer. We eventually came to a decision for everything.

To come around to a prevailing decision weighing the pros and cons we all listed wasn’t a sign of weakness. Quite the opposite in fact; it was testament to the power of thoughtful discourse, and our innate intelligence and initiative. That’s what being a citizen was; getting informed, getting involved, and getting on board enough to go forward. If we’d come to the wrong decision it wasn’t that big a problem” there’d be future dinners, and future discussions to resolve it. And imagine what we’d be getting done in the meantime!

Was it naive for us to grow up thinking that all ideology could eventually get resolved in this way? I don’t think so.

That’s why out of all the Op-eds I’ve read lately, this one by Thomas Friedman for the New York Times appealed to me most: Help Wanted — Leadership

In part, he writes,

If the president really wants to lead from the front, he should summon the Democratic and Republican leadership, along with all 12 members of the House-Senate deficit “supercommittee,” to join him at Camp David and tell the world that they are not coming back without a Grand Bargain — one that offers some short-term jobs stimulus, a credible long-term debt reduction plan with entitlement cuts and tax reform that increases revenues.

We desperately need that for two reasons: We need to do our part in leading the world out of this crisis by stabilizing our own economy. And we need to show that we can still act collectively. The toxic paralysis in Washington is, in and of itself, slowing growth. It is keeping a black cloud over the center of the country and creating a sour mood wherein people just want to hold on to what they have.

Not everyone will agree with Friedman’s “Grand Bargain” but we sure need one so we can go forward.

Pizza and fries
Image Credit: Kevin Dooley on Flickr

How ‘bout I call you?

September 22, 2011 by Rosa Say

For the last three weeks I’ve been working on a project with someone who uses the telephone for nearly all our communication. Occasionally his call is to ask if he can drop by, because he’s in the neighborhood working on another project.

He breaks most stereotypes, for he’s young, has an iPhone and Gmail address, designed and maintains his own website, but he prefers to call, and to talk. He considers texting to be unprofessional, and he won’t ever email unless it’s off-hours and he’s pretty sure I’m waiting for an answer of some kind. If I email him, I know the phone will ring as soon as he reads whatever I had sent, so he can answer me that way instead. I asked him if he engages with social media, and his response was, “You’re kidding, right?” To be completely honest, I’m still not sure if that meant yes or no.

The punchline to this short story? Though way, way out of my comfort zone, and likely to be a one-shot deal (we’re working on a construction project together) this has been one of the most enjoyable projects I’ve worked on in a long, long time.

I’ve come to notice just how much person-to-person or voice-to-voice communication with this person has added to the entire experience, because neither of us opts for making it techno-efficient. Most of the work we accomplish happens as we converse.

We take the time to talk, and it’s not that much more in terms of the time we add, but it’s exponentially more in what we achieve. Those little adds share more with each other, often simply in being that ‘more’ you cushion information with when speaking with each other in real time — we used to call it ‘civility.’ Our social graces in conversation have become a huge factor in the overall project experience, so much so, that I keep asking myself — why oh why have I been so quick to give up on the telephone in favor of email?

Let me say again, that this is a construction project. I’m not coaching him, and we’re not having tea and crumpets — we’re solving problems, stressing through building codes, permits, supply irregularities and labor issues.

As odd as it may sound, I’m rediscovering the wonder of the telephone.

Can we talk?

In the archives: On the Art of Civilized Conversation

Search Talking Story your way

RSS Current Articles at Managing with Aloha:

  • Kaʻana i kāu aloha: Share your Aloha
  • Managing Basics: The Good Receiver
  • What do executives do, anyway? They do values.
  • Managing Basics: On Finishing Well
  • Wellness—the kind that actually works
  • Skills for a Lifetime of Work
  • Sunday Mālama: Self-development hits home

Search Talking Story by Category

Talking Story Article Archives

  • July 2016 (1)
  • April 2012 (1)
  • March 2012 (6)
  • February 2012 (6)
  • January 2012 (10)
  • December 2011 (1)
  • November 2011 (4)
  • October 2011 (17)
  • September 2011 (8)
  • August 2011 (6)
  • July 2011 (2)
  • June 2011 (2)
  • May 2011 (4)
  • April 2011 (12)
  • March 2011 (16)
  • February 2011 (16)
  • January 2011 (23)
  • December 2010 (4)
  • November 2010 (1)
  • October 2010 (1)
  • September 2010 (4)
  • August 2010 (1)
  • July 2010 (4)
  • June 2010 (13)
  • May 2010 (17)
  • April 2010 (18)
  • March 2010 (13)
  • February 2010 (18)
  • January 2010 (16)
  • December 2009 (12)
  • November 2009 (15)
  • October 2009 (20)
  • September 2009 (20)
  • August 2009 (17)
  • July 2009 (16)
  • June 2009 (13)
  • May 2009 (3)
  • April 2009 (19)
  • March 2009 (18)
  • February 2009 (21)
  • January 2009 (26)
  • December 2008 (31)
  • November 2008 (19)
  • October 2008 (8)
  • September 2008 (11)
  • August 2008 (11)
  • July 2008 (10)
  • June 2008 (16)
  • May 2008 (1)
  • March 2008 (17)
  • February 2008 (24)
  • January 2008 (13)
  • December 2007 (10)
  • November 2007 (6)
  • July 2007 (27)
  • June 2007 (23)
  • May 2007 (13)
  • April 2007 (19)
  • March 2007 (17)
  • February 2007 (14)
  • January 2007 (15)
  • December 2006 (14)
  • November 2006 (16)
  • October 2006 (13)
  • September 2006 (29)
  • August 2006 (14)
  • July 2006 (19)
  • June 2006 (19)
  • May 2006 (12)
  • April 2006 (11)
  • March 2006 (14)
  • February 2006 (14)
  • January 2006 (7)
  • December 2005 (15)
  • November 2005 (27)
  • October 2005 (22)
  • September 2005 (38)
  • August 2005 (31)
  • July 2005 (34)
  • June 2005 (32)
  • May 2005 (27)
  • April 2005 (28)
  • March 2005 (36)
  • February 2005 (33)
  • January 2005 (35)
  • December 2004 (13)
  • November 2004 (24)
  • October 2004 (22)
  • September 2004 (28)
  • August 2004 (8)

Copyright © 2019 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in