conversation

How ‘bout I call you?

September 22, 2011 by Rosa Say

For the last three weeks I’ve been working on a project with someone who uses the telephone for nearly all our communication. Occasionally his call is to ask if he can drop by, because he’s in the neighborhood working on another project.

He breaks most stereotypes, for he’s young, has an iPhone and Gmail address, designed and maintains his own website, but he prefers to call, and to talk. He considers texting to be unprofessional, and he won’t ever email unless it’s off-hours and he’s pretty sure I’m waiting for an answer of some kind. If I email him, I know the phone will ring as soon as he reads whatever I had sent, so he can answer me that way instead. I asked him if he engages with social media, and his response was, “You’re kidding, right?” To be completely honest, I’m still not sure if that meant yes or no.

The punchline to this short story? Though way, way out of my comfort zone, and likely to be a one-shot deal (we’re working on a construction project together) this has been one of the most enjoyable projects I’ve worked on in a long, long time.

I’ve come to notice just how much person-to-person or voice-to-voice communication with this person has added to the entire experience, because neither of us opts for making it techno-efficient. Most of the work we accomplish happens as we converse.

We take the time to talk, and it’s not that much more in terms of the time we add, but it’s exponentially more in what we achieve. Those little adds share more with each other, often simply in being that ‘more’ you cushion information with when speaking with each other in real time — we used to call it ‘civility.’ Our social graces in conversation have become a huge factor in the overall project experience, so much so, that I keep asking myself — why oh why have I been so quick to give up on the telephone in favor of email?

Let me say again, that this is a construction project. I’m not coaching him, and we’re not having tea and crumpets — we’re solving problems, stressing through building codes, permits, supply irregularities and labor issues.

As odd as it may sound, I’m rediscovering the wonder of the telephone.

In the archives: On the Art of Civilized Conversation

Must I work this bit alone?

September 14, 2011 by Rosa Say

This is a question I’d love to have more people ask themselves, asking it not in a general way, but with much more specificity, action by action, decision by decision.

Who can give you your second opinion?
Who can tip those aha! moments you have when you get stuck at work?
Who can you bounce an idea off of, feeling free to question it, or laugh about it?
Who might champion it with you, adding their unbridled enthusiasm to your own?
Who can you learn from?
Who can brighten your day in moments with their presence?

More often than not, the answer to these questions will be, “Come to think of it, several people can.” You simply need to get out of your chair (or away from your work station, whatever the case may be) and go to them. Break your orbit and be more comet-like.

An ‘Imi ola life — that ‘best possible’ life — is NOT a solo proposition.

Another way to ask this collection of questions, would be, Where’s the Aloha?
…and, Are you getting some, and giving some?
[ Your Aloha Spirit, Tightly Curled and Regal ]

One of the reasons I’m so bullish on The Daily Five Minutes, stems from the alarming trending I continually see in ‘digitally savvy’ workplaces toward solitary, independent work. I call this the “Downtown yet No Town” weirdness, because in my workplace visits, people will continually tell me how they feel the cubicle mentality still thrives, and is in fact, their world: They go to work each day, and sit at a workstation or in their office with nose to the grindstone as much as 95% of their day. Scary. And sad. Thanks to email, texting and social media (yes, I’m being sarcastic, for it’s no thanks), they aren’t even on the telephone much anymore. I push D5M with them because I know of its power in getting people together again, simply starting with getting out and about, to Hō‘imi — to actively look for those 5 minutes of found time when they can converse with another human being face to face.

“I dress up for work even tho i hide behind my desk all day.” — mmmony on Tumblr

Forget all the D5M framing if you must — just talk to people more.

Conversation, talking story, and good habits like The Daily Five Minutes are ‘Imi ola triggers: They will elevate the quality of your day, for all work — all good, feels good work — is some balanced execution of what we do on our own and what we do with others. As a workplace culture coach, much of the workplace unhappiness and discontent I see, is clearly the result of an imbalance toward the solitary, where people feel they go it alone. They might be surrounded by other people, but they feel alone most of the time — “Downtown, yet No Town.”

A good number of managers look to solve this by focusing on team dynamics, and yes, by all means, keep group interaction dynamic and vibrant too. Have good huddles. Bring back the staff meeting. Learn to love projects. But understand that people may still feel they disappear in the chaos of a whole team: We all need one-on-one time. If you must choose one over the other, focus on improving your one-to-ones, whether with D5M or other kinds of in-person conversation.

There is so much to be gained from collaborative work, starting with that simple act of asking another person for their opinion — their sharing of knowledge, with you.

Noticing. Person to person, face to face

September 12, 2011 by Rosa Say

Liz Danzico and Frank Chimero have me thinking about noticing, and about my own observations (and what I do with them) when I do:

From Liz: The Beagle and the F Train

From Frank: Stand Clear of the Closing Doors

Please take the clicks to read both Tumblrs (they aren’t too long) and come back.

I do think about the giving of our attention quite a bit, for that act of intentional attentiveness is like the starter button to the managing-or-leading energy sequence. Thus, adding observation and noticing to the mix in the remarkable way that Liz and Frank encourage, is another kind of skills-mastery and life appreciation — it is very tantalizing.

I was fortunate enough to deliver a D5M Workshop this past weekend, and so the association is unmistakable for me with that very precious conversation in mind: Noticing is a biggie in our giving someone The Daily Five Minutes too. It’s part of lokomaika‘i — the generosity of our listening attention. It continues to be big in all of our conversing, and how we will respond.

When you think about it, our full capacity for noticing well is something we give up when we opt for digital communication over face-to-face time (like texting or emailing someone in the next room, or same building), for we cannot notice what we cannot see. We cannot notice so much of the emotion that may lurk behind those digital bytes; they simply do not give us enough to observe, and to respond to. We often will miss knowing about things we need to finish well.

I don’t know about you, but that thought, of willingly giving up on so many clues in my digital habits, doesn’t sit well with me. It makes me recommit to my own D5Ms, and to all my other opportunities for in-person communication. There’s a lot of good to notice when we talk story with each other in the person-to-person way! There’s a lot of ease to be gained in affirming others because now, we do notice.

Yes, noticing is definitely a word I need to keep front and center in my vocabulary, and thus, within my intentions. It’s good language of intention (see key 5) in the way I personally manage with Aloha.

Photo Credit: Not quite clear on the concept by woodleywonderworks on Flickr

When it’s in the News, Alaka‘i Managers talk story

August 5, 2011 by Rosa Say

It’s easy to dismiss news media broadcasting today when you’re someone who feels connected to the wider net of the web, technology’s new apps, and social media. We consider newspapers and network television to be those old-school journalism Goliaths felled by our new-world Davids. They’ve lost a considerable amount of reach, and no longer track the pulse of our world — or do they?

Broadcasting’s giants have lost market share and gotten smaller, but they still have pervasive influence. Fact is that millions of people still tune in to listen to what they say, and think about it, weighing in with their own opinions (and values). People will still reflect on the day’s news, and will often say, “Yeah” they’re talking about me, and about my life too.”

Those people thinking those thoughts are our people. Are we part of the discussion?

The current news of the day is a good example: Who among us is not talking about the U.S. debt ceiling debate (and what it means for us personally), continued joblessness (and what it means for us personally) and the huge drop in market confidence (and what it means for us personally)?

When big stories break in the news media, Alaka‘i Managers ask themselves, How is this relevant to my team, and to our working culture?

They also ask themselves, Should we be talking about this, and having more conversations in our own workplace on these issues?

More often than not, the answers are:

It certainly is relevant, and this is why”
(filling in those reasons why are usually easy: Model Me This)
Talking about it can help, for helping each other is what we do!

If you are an Alaka‘i Manager, you are talking about financial health in your workplace culture right now. You know that we all need to talk, we all need to be heard, and we all need to make sense of all the profound change swirling around us. You are willing to be the person who is there in the fray, being there for your people, and making a difference by reaching out to help them. You are leading discussions, you are listening to what people have to say, and you are getting better connected to feeling exactly what they feel.

You are helping them help themselves.
You are helping them learn what they must learn (‘Ike loa).
You are helping them feel more confident about being part of your workplace, and your culture.
You are being ‘Ohana (as their family of wider community), and you are practicing Mālama — the care and stewardship of workplace assets, handled with compassion and Aloha.

In other words, you are Managing with Aloha.
You are Kākou-conversing in the “Language of We.”

For instance, in my ‘Ohana in Business, the water cooler talk today is about falling mortgage rates, and how more savings can be reaped from refinancing: If people can afford the points, residential loans are the best financing deals around! I want my people to keep their homes forever, keeping their property affordable: I never want to see them struggle with a foreclosure, or with paycheck-to-paycheck living beyond their means. Knowledge is power when market timing is illustrating smart moves to make.

So be the Alaka‘i Manager you are, and talk story.

Start with your ‘Ohana in Business (your business model) as the core topic you open discussion with — how is [your business/ their-your income revenue stream] affected by the U.S. debt crisis, by falling mortgage rates, by joblessness, by current consumer habits? Your people will weigh in, grateful to know you are aware and are concerned, and you will learn what you need to know most — about them and what they currently struggle with.

Financial literacy is ALWAYS a good, and highly relevant MWA initiative: Jump in and lead the discussion.