confidence

When Managers Say the Right Things

November 8, 2011 by Rosa Say

Choosing the right thing to say isn’t that difficult, when it flows from the right intent. And what great results we can achieve!

When managers say the right things in a workplace, release happens — self-imposed floodgates open wide in the people who surround those managers, and their greatest possibility comes out to play. Work of different stripe, pattern, color and intensity happens, because now, people feel it can. They feel their work is wholly welcomed. Their work. People can add a personal signature to what they do — they can weave in their Ho‘ohana, and go for ‘Imi ola. They can experiment, take creative liberty, stretch, dabble and explore — these are all the good things which happen when “Nalu it” is part of the work culture.

“Nalu it” surges ahead. It jumps from meaning “go with the flow” to becoming, “go for it!”
“Nalu it” was important: It relaxes people, and gets them to drop their guard a bit more so they can go with the flow to start with. But so much more is usually possible, and when their managers say the right things in encouragement and support, people can really “go” in a big way.

Reference points: If you’re just joining us, learn about “Nalu it” here. The Hawaiian values which guide us are listed and defined for you on the right sidebar of the blog.
Besides being a pretty cool metaphor, the Language of Intention and water flow imagery of “nalu it” (to go with the flow) helps us see the work we do, and the momentum we achieve with that work, through the lens of natural physics. The strength and perpetual power of wave action is pretty obvious, yet consider this: People are a force of nature too!

Nalu from what’s expected, to what’s possible

People know they are in a workplace to work. What managers must often do for them however, is strip away anything that holds them back. What makes a difference in a workplace culture, and in the quality of what that workplace produces or delivers, is the freedom of self expression that defines that work and channels its best energies, as opposed to the structural impositions of job description and process expectations — yes, you read that correctly: Job descriptions and and process expectations are structural impositions which function very much like shackles do, keeping more liberating work in check. The best work happens without them.

Just ask your customers, and listen closely. They’ll tell you that they don’t really want your staff to follow your rules per se, they want them to own the work (‘service’ or a ‘great product’ to a customer) with a personal touch, and with that owner’s intensity that conveys “this work is part of me, it’s important to me that it’s good, and I’m so happy I can share it with you as my customer and guest.” When your staff has “owner’s intensity” they never say, “let me get my manager” because they don’t need to; they make stuff happen (they Ho‘o), and customers thrill to their sense of urgency. Customers admire what they perceive as initiative and passion, skillful ability and uncompromising competence.

As a manager, you want your customer and guest to see those things in your people, and experience them in the service they receive. All of it is a reflection of you and what you do — what you support and enable — as a great manager.

So what are those ‘right things’ that all managers can be saying?

The different phrases are abundant, and you can make them personal, saying them in your own words, but they will all be rooted in two kinds of intention: Giving permission and sharing appreciation (the value of Mahalo).

Sharing appreciation has to do with that excellent and timeless supervisory advice: Catch people doing something right. Great managers aren’t cagey or subtle about it either: They speak up (saying the right thing, at precisely the right time) to let people know they’ve caught them, for the glorious affirmation of the aha! moment which just happened, and so they have a chance to say thank you in a genuinely sincere way. In a workplace, the best “thank you” of all is said when a manager catches their people wallowing in their strengths and talents; they’ve lost all sense of time, and their work is truly in flow. Because of the investments already done in basic competency and in value alignment, people are confident, and their work seems to sing. Managers are able to say, “thank you for doing what you do, and for doing it so well” because KÅ«lia i ka nu‘u — the value of excellence has been in play.

Before we get to that sweet spot however, the right things said by a manager will largely be about giving permission, in whatever the form and frequency that permission is needed.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” The people who say it (and usually quite proudly) are those who hate being held back in any red tape or within the more plodding, cautious work of others. They want to go for it; they’re the “nalu it” surfers and waterwomen who paddle out where there aren’t any lifeguard towers. “Better to ask forgiveness than permission” sounds cocky and arrogant, but often it’s simply confident. They feel their odds are more in favor of success than failure — odds are that asking forgiveness isn’t going to happen, so why waste time on the permission? Just get it done, and prove the point. Everything will be fine — how bad could it be?

“The cool thing about reckless abandon is that there is always time to be sensible later.”
~ Seth Godin in Insubordinate

Again, more confidence than arrogance is in play here, for they also have a much bigger viewpoint of what success is: They’re quite sure there will be a discovery of some kind that isn’t necessarily a bona fide accomplishment yet. Heck, that discovery might even be a brand new mistake they never made before, because it’s the first time they were able to paddle out that far. That’s a good thing! Mistakes are cool. Whoever would expect they need to be forgiven for that?

The very best workplace wave people can ride? When they get permission as a gift without having to ask for it first. They get, “Nalu it!”

Let’s get back to those “right things” that a manager will say. I’m a fan of the “Nalu it” Language of Intention because it’s such a good reminder of these statements as a “give good permission” intention category. Examples are;

“Just go for it — you know what to do, and you’re the best at it.”
“Sounds to me like you have a handle on this, so just call if you feel you need something; I’ll be happy to help.”
“I’m sensing you have another idea about this; tell me about it.”
“The energy you’ve been devoting to this is fantastic; thanks so much.”
“We’ll have the luxury of more time with this project; would you like to try a different approach?”

Or simply, “What say we try something new, you game?”
And as often as possible, “What do you think?”

To be an Alaka‘i Manager, work on this deliberately: Speak with those two critical intentions of giving permission and sharing your appreciation. Add it to your list of dailies, with The Daily 5 Minutes and as a Best Communicator. The magnificent day will come, when one of your people looks at you and says, “I feel strong when I talk to you.”

A suggestion for Managing with Aloha readers: Review Chapter 4 on Ho‘omau, the value of perseverance and persistence. The connections to this discussion abound, and those Ho‘omau connections are often why we managers want to release others within their good work in the first place; they’ll have several “Nalu it” waves to ride over time.

Whose Confidence Should We Be Talking About?

October 1, 2011 by Rosa Say

Economist Paul Krugman makes a good point in writing of our Phony Fear Factor:

“Extended periods of ‘jobless recovery’ after recessions have been the rule for the past two decades. Indeed, private-sector job growth since the 2007-2009 recession has been better than it was after the 2001 recession.

We might add that major financial crises are almost always followed by a period of slow growth, and U.S. experience is more or less what you should have expected given the severity of the 2008 shock.

Still, isn’t there something odd about the fact that businesses are making large profits and sitting on a lot of cash but aren’t spending that cash to expand capacity and employment? No.

After all, why should businesses expand when they’re not using the capacity they already have? The bursting of the housing bubble and the overhang of household debt have left consumer spending depressed and many businesses with more capacity than they need and no reason to add more. Business investment always responds strongly to the state of the economy, and given how weak our economy remains you shouldn’t be surprised if investment remains low. If anything, business spending has been stronger than one might have predicted given slow growth and high unemployment.”

What I would add to this, is that we in business have to lead more assertively, and much more quickly. We have the power to affect change, and we’re not doing it:

“I think what business people are saying – hey, we’re gonna pull back, sit on the sidelines, and let the country make a decision as to which way they want to go in.”
— Quote: Robert L. Johnson, founder of Black Entertainment Television

That’s simply unacceptable. And it’s downright foolish. If we’re as unhappy with the government as we say we are, why are we so willing to let them be our misguided saviors? Get action back in your own two hands, and stop giving away your power so naively.

Confidence resides in YOU

It’s true that ‘consumer confidence’ is low — it’s low because uncertainty is so high, and we’re being prudent, saving whatever dollars we have as a contingency strategy. Arguably, this is something we should’ve been doing all along — it’s called living within our means (i.e. our actual earnings) AND having an emergency fund for ourselves, versus living on credit and over-extending ourselves. Our low in consumer confidence is actually part of a healthier self-correction: Something like walking away from a mortgage contract we’d signed shouldn’t be the kind of choices good people feel forced to make.

So that’s the quick diagnosis of ‘consumer confidence.’ Fine. Now, let’s talk business confidence. Let’s talk about your confidence with the work you know can be done, and done right now, today, because you are doing it.

Let’s talk about your confidence in business as the great enabler it is, working on those time-honored concepts of strategic initiative, mission, and vision. Let’s talk about your confidence as a business person, business manager, and business leader with good ideas, because working in business is what YOU do. Let’s demonstrate those things, and how good we are at doing them.

Business can lead the way to future prosperity for all of us, by bringing back the certainty that can hit home for us on a very local level. When we see success in our own community, national stumbles in a deadlocked congress don’t seem as dramatic to us. As a business person, you bring success back by championing the confidence you DO have, and demonstrating that confidence in the work which does happen. Focus on what CAN be done right now instead of focusing on what cannot be done. Waiting and hoping for things to get better is a lousy business strategy. Actually, it means there is no strategy at all.

The future will always be uncertain by nature — we can’t know what hasn’t happened yet. However we can focus on what we see happening in our own neck of the woods: We can see where the flywheel starts to turn, and we can give it our local heave-ho. Invest in what you do know, and in what you know you should be doing about it. Be more hopeful because you are tuned in to your own confidence levels — wherever they are playing out for you.

**Beyond the numbers: Decide on the kind of jobs we need**

Along the way, we in business will create more jobs which frame the work we know must be done. [See: What gainful employment ‘should’ do for you.]

I am increasingly of the opinion that the void we have to fill is about having the right jobs in place, and not just jobs as a number. As a business person, you have to decide what the jobs of your future are, and then put those jobs into production: You cannot fill vacancies for jobs you haven’t designed yet. You design them because you are confident about the work those jobs produce — that’s the unfilled capacity Krugman refers to.

And no more waiting on anyone else.

Beautiful Confidence is a thought to keep close for the weekend: “Confidence is good’s natural extension.”

Deliberate Inputs

September 15, 2011 by Rosa Say

Somewhat connected to my last posting, [ Must I work this bit alone? ] and to noticing, I’ve been tweaking the old brainwaves lately with more reading, for reading is a big part of what I think of as my “deliberate inputs.”

We need to feed our intellect with deliberate inputs similar to the way we eat to feed our bodies; we choose healthy foods that are nutritious, and foods that fortify us and fill us with energy.

These days, the old brain is hungry, craving some hopeful, positive ideas and solutions.

Good food starts with good ingredients:

Perhaps more today than ever before, my deliberate inputs are often chosen for their optimism, for negativity pulls me down into a gloom I prefer to stay far, far away from. Now this doesn’t mean I choose to dwell in a Pollyanna world, for I can read about bad news too. It’s the aftermath of the hearing or reading, and the follow-up in my own attitude which matters. We can learn from everything, whether the good, the bad, or the ugly — we have to choose our aftermath, and use our positive brainpower to shape it.

How you go forward will define your future, and the person you’ll be in that future.

For instance, within my deliberate inputs these days (for they constantly evolve) are:

The Daily Five Minutes and other conversations (always ‘MWA job one’ with me)
Reading more essays by ‘thought leaders’ (I’ve been culling my RSS feeds). I’m a big fan of blogs: People who blog write to think, and they set a great example in the sharing of virtual conversation
Book reading. I’m a way bigger fan of books — the good ones are hard to write; they package a lot of substantial thought process, and they pull in more research
Writing for its physical triggering connection (writing as a way of thinking things through)
Gratitude journaling for Mahalo-living, and to keep up my positive expectancies
‘Imi ola Change Choosing — always important for me: Focus (in goal-setting) is another word for Intention
Weekly Reviews so I’m balanced between what I study, and what I actually do accomplish
Television only via DVR’d selections. News read online or in Sunday paper editions
I look for biographies and documentaries: They are ‘Ike loa’s ‘learning from people’ and from their experience

As electioneering ramps up here in America, I get very concerned about what Bill Davidow has called “Life in the Age of Extremes.” There is much ‘other possibility’ within the extreme polarity of being Republican or Democrat in ideology. We must all be working on our own Deliberate Inputs to interject more hope into life.

Being hopeful, can be a direct result of Ha‘aha‘a, the value of humility, and the way we’ve spoken of ‘finding decisions’ here at Talking Story: Can you see with your ears? How open-minded are you, and how willing are you to weigh the opinions of others? Much of it is about proactive listening, so you can choose to live with a greater confidence — it’s a confidence that you’ve uncovered and discovered the best answer, because you’ve gone looking for it. It’s cultivating an optimistic attitude which will align with your values, keeping positive expectancy in your life.

So much of this starts with being very choosy and deliberate about your own inputs.

I strongly encourage you to sit with this as a writing exercise of your own. I gave you a current listing of what I think of as my Deliberate Inputs: What are yours?

Listen well to be well, and start with good, healthy ingredients.
Rosa

Postscript: On the reading front, if you’d like to come with me, and follow the rabbit trails of my finds, remember to check in with Ho‘ohana Aloha, my Tumblr — that’s where I tend to clip them.

Bonus Links: Read what Dan Oestreich has to say On Finding Confidence. He also wrote about polarity recently, in Contribution to Society.

Along with your talent, bring me Fresh You

January 13, 2011 by Rosa Say

You may be surprised to learn which I’ll value more. As an employer, I desperately want you to dazzle and surprise me!

Giving up is not an option

I’ll back up. I’m thinking about work, and about jobs (so what else is new”) and in particular about unemployment, and how so many people who still want to work are giving up. They’ve stopped looking, and have stopped trying to get hired, and I wish they wouldn’t. I get that it’s been hard on them, but what are they waiting for once they stop?

If you’re one of these people I’m talking about, I think you have to keep looking (assuming you don’t want to start a business of your own; that’s different.) Go for the job you want, and when you’re sitting with the person who can hire you, have a Fresh You conversation with them. Turn into a hot prospect.

Bosses aren’t necessarily the ones who define jobs

Not all the jobs they think they can offer, and not all the jobs they should be offering.

And every hiring manager I know will admit that when they have a “hot prospect” and “super attractive candidate” sitting in front of them, they make some kind of hiring work-around happen. Those get to be the most exciting, and satisfying days they work within their job!

Yeah, you have a lot of competition. So…

BE the competition

There has been enormous shift in The World of Work due to the Great Recession of recent years, and as a result, scores of people still struggle to find their place. Age and generation don’t much matter: They know it will be a new place. Even if they secure a job title similar to one they’ve held in the past, it is highly likely the work itself will differ, for expectations will differ.

That difference has both good and bad associated with it, however you still have so much choice, and you still must know this: So much spun from both good and bad will depend on you. You (i.e. your Ho‘ohana) can be the catalyst of whatever work will follow, and whatever Work’s Worth will be created in the future.

Hiring is happening. I notice that news programs have been presenting the employer’s viewpoint lately, and in doing so they continually stress talent, and their need for skilled, educated labor as opposed to entry-level employees. These needs can be unfulfilled, much to the disappointment and dismay of many employers, and reasons vary. The one I’d like to focus on for the moment is fear and intimidation; people who have been out of work for a while (or who remain too comfortable in an existing job) fear they are simply not good enough, and they haven’t the talent the employer is probably looking for.

‘Probably?’ How in the world do you know? You can’t be sure of what someone else may, or may not be thinking. To guess is a cop-out. If you’ve already had a bad experience or two, that employer wasn’t a good match for you to begin with, and it’s a good thing you didn’t get sucked into a workplace that is beneath your worth.

What’s For Sure trumps Probably

You cannot stop yourself from re-entering The World of Work — or stop yourself from trading up to a better opportunity — by guessing about The Probablies. You have to have the conversation and find out What’s For Sure. And why not give them a Fresh, Enthusiastic You to think about?

Education and experience is highly subjective

On the other hand, innate talent and enthusiasm is definitive. Fresh You is distinctive, and highly attractive.

Unless someone has been immersed in a consistently value-driven work culture for a very long time (itself pretty rare), the worth assessments of talent, education and experience barely match up between people’s definitions. That, after all, is what most of a job interview is about, isn’t it; it’s a determination to learn if both company and candidate speak the same Language of Intention, or have the best potential to do so in the shortest amount of time — the 90-day probationary period is designed to answer all remaining questions about your match (at least it should be. If you’re in one now, have a LOT of values-based conversations whichever side of the table you sit!)

When employers say they are looking for ‘skilled workers’ they’re taking a shortcut: It’s a deliberate move with screening out those who aren’t hungry enough, enthusiastic enough, and self-assured enough to demonstrate that they bring way more than just their education and past experience to the table: They can learn whatever will be required of them. Even the greenest high school graduates bring those two e’s with them; education and experience are simply tangibles they need help articulating in workplace language. All people (and I mean You) also bring talents that are still to be explored, and talents are flexible and pliable; your talents can be molded to a company’s needs and expectations. What must match from day one however, are your values (for that course, turn to Managing with Aloha!)

Get back out there! The world is waiting

Along with your talent, bring Fresh, Enthusiastic You to an interview, and believe me, you will get hired. Employers will invest in helping groom your talent and skills because they know you’ll be a bankable investment and not a gamble.

The workplace is changing, and it always will. That means you need to work on your self assurance and sense of confidence way more than anything else: Education and experience have a much shorter shelf life. You, on the other hand, can be forever fresh and new.