Talking Story

Starting new conversations in the workplace!

How ‘bout I call you?

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For the last three weeks I’ve been working on a project with someone who uses the telephone for nearly all our communication. Occasionally his call is to ask if he can drop by, because he’s in the neighborhood working on another project.

He breaks most stereotypes, for he’s young, has an iPhone and Gmail address, designed and maintains his own website, but he prefers to call, and to talk. He considers texting to be unprofessional, and he won’t ever email unless it’s off-hours and he’s pretty sure I’m waiting for an answer of some kind. If I email him, I know the phone will ring as soon as he reads whatever I had sent, so he can answer me that way instead. I asked him if he engages with social media, and his response was, “You’re kidding, right?” To be completely honest, I’m still not sure if that meant yes or no.

The punchline to this short story? Though way, way out of my comfort zone, and likely to be a one-shot deal (we’re working on a construction project together) this has been one of the most enjoyable projects I’ve worked on in a long, long time.

I’ve come to notice just how much person-to-person or voice-to-voice communication with this person has added to the entire experience, because neither of us opts for making it techno-efficient. Most of the work we accomplish happens as we converse.

We take the time to talk, and it’s not that much more in terms of the time we add, but it’s exponentially more in what we achieve. Those little adds share more with each other, often simply in being that ‘more’ you cushion information with when speaking with each other in real time — we used to call it ‘civility.’ Our social graces in conversation have become a huge factor in the overall project experience, so much so, that I keep asking myself — why oh why have I been so quick to give up on the telephone in favor of email?

Let me say again, that this is a construction project. I’m not coaching him, and we’re not having tea and crumpets — we’re solving problems, stressing through building codes, permits, supply irregularities and labor issues.

As odd as it may sound, I’m rediscovering the wonder of the telephone.

Can we talk?

In the archives: On the Art of Civilized Conversation

On the Art of Civilized Conversation

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Art. Civility. Conversation. Three of my favorite words. Respected, talking story words.

Here are a few excerpts from a book from Margaret Shepherd, all from her Introduction within The Art of Civilized Conversation; A Guide to Expressing Yourself with Style and Grace:

One person walks into a café, sits down to a cup of coffee in silence, finishes it, and goes back to the same old day. Two other people walk into that café, sit down to two cups of coffee, have a good talk – and go on their way with fresh energy, comfort, and insight. Simply by connecting them, conversation has changed them. And that’s the definition of art. Civilized conversation is an art that transforms everyday life into something richer. It can engage your mind, excite your imagination, and expand your view of the world.

…civilized conversation is the Swiss Army knife of social skills that anyone can learn to use. Take it with you wherever you go, and you’ll be equipped to turn a seatmate into a confidant, an interviewer into an employer, and an acquaintance into a friend. As an accomplished conversationalist, you’ll be welcomed everywhere; everyone loves a good conversation because it is FUN.

…conversation lets you be an artist every time you open your mouth – or shut it. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, “The most important art is to omit:” the key to being a master conversationalist is to listen as much as you talk. Just as the other arts include pauses in a dramatic play, white margins around printed text, and space between a singer’s phrases, conversation is about silences as well as about words.

…good conversation is classy, humane, practical, universal, and, when well done, seemingly effortless. It can also be defined by what it is NOT – civilized conversation is not the same as reciting, confessing, negotiating, scolding, or interviewing. It does not involve notifying, debating, or issuing orders, nor does it include baiting, shouting, hurling personal insults, contradicting, grandstanding, or interrupting. It does not require a referee. It is most surely not what people hear on may television and radio talk shows: that is performance art of particular emptiness, and the worst example of how to converse.

…good conversation rarely occurs when one party is not paying reasonable attention. In fact, courtesy is crucial to the very existence of a civilized exchange. By that I don’t mean that you must always trot out the proper protocol or the perfect words, but you must connect somehow with the other person.

Archive Aloha for Conversation:

Goodreads Review: Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand

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If you want to get in better mood for Valentine’s Day this coming month, read this book, then bring February to bigger life for you! Others have called Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand “delightful” and “thoroughly charming” and I agree.

I don’t feel I’ve spread my genre wings enough in recent years’ reading choices, purposely choosing to study business non-fiction instead, but 2011 is a year I wish to change my habits. Fiction is very pleasantly surprising me again: I have underestimated its inspiration power.

Like love, culture and civility are ageless ~ and funny

Major Pettigrew's Last StandMajor Pettigrew’s Last Stand by Helen Simonson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book: I congratulate Helen Simonson for a wonderfully rich debut novel. It was a terrific January choice for me, as I’ve challenged myself to read more books this year, and it very effectively shifted my reading habit into higher gear, leaving me eager for more.

An easy and pleasant read set in an English village, Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand is at the surface, a ‘second time around’ love story between elders we admire and respect, but then other themes emerge by way of Simonson’s skillful storytelling and character portrayals: The book is a natural for book clubs, or for friends to share. As I began to read, it was a game for me to highlight the words I don’t see too often in text — or hear at all in our stripped-down, technology-tweaked language of today” senescence, scullery, dyspepsia, antimacassars, churlish, lugubrious” the list became longer, a subtle teaching of how words are so integral to our cultures, and a joy to the reader, feeding our belief that we must be better cultured for our own good. Another game could be to count how many times she could mention having tea; that number could be higher, for I did wonder if the British are able to function, and have the most basic of conversations without it! But soon I abandoned the highlighter because the story was building, and I wanted to ‘read deeper.’

The book will cause you to long for more face to face civility in our world, and yet it is humorous, not stiff (Jasmina delivers a gem of a line on page 324: so great when a book gets you to laugh out loud.) Nearly every character reveals a hidden layer of emotional complexity, yet they are instantly, humanly like us if we admit to it, and not too strangely fictional. One of the most delightful surprises in the story for me was Grace, and how her character grows into her name.

The book has a light touch all in all, and you can romp through it quickly, simply enjoying the story, yet it can be so much more if you let it in, completely open to how it might speak to you.

View all my reviews

Why Goodreads?

In short, I’m loving the tribal vibe. Readers are great people to be in-the-know with!

In my quest to read more books in 2011 (36 is my target number, just 3 a month.) I have returned to use my Goodreads.com account more, as a kind of a webby encourager. For me it’s a cool toy to graph my updates into a visual reading habit, and I get a gentle push to finish a book well (always a goal for me) by writing a short review, like this one.

I’m finding the community has grown and flourished there since I first signed up back in 2007, with Goodreads evolving to respond. Here’s some interesting trivia though: Out of 12,506 people responding to a poll there, the majority (49.8%) say they do not participate in book clubs at all… 29.2% responded with “No, I only participate in online book clubs (On Goodreads or otherwise).”

It seems to be a digital distinction, with Goodreads more in the camp of killer apps (love the new barcode scanner).

All to say, I am always pushing Alaka‘i managers to start some kind of book club in the workplace, because reading rocks as the killer app of ‘Ike loa, the value of learning. So if you’ve got digital devotees in your workplace, people who would say, “I’m not in a book club and don’t intend to join one” perhaps Goodreads will work for you too — and them.

Challenge yourself with reading too

Julien Smith reads 40 pages a day to reach 50 books read per year. 2010 was the first time he achieved this, and he is continuing his habit, so let’s give him the last word:

Why in God’s Name You Would Want To Do This?

It feels awesome. It gives you an amazing amount of ideas. It helps you think more thoroughly. It’s better than TV and even the internet. It makes you understand the world more. It is a building block towards a habit of completion. Did I mention it feels awesome?

” whatever, just do it already.